My Number one rule. Thanks Mike

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.


Extra Reading

Fingerprints

I touched you once too often
And now things are not the same
My fingerprints were missing
When I wiped away the shame
Yes I called my fingerprints all night
But they don't seem to care
The last time that I saw them
They were leafing through her hair

Fingerprints, fingerprints
Where are you now my fingerprints?

Yeah I thought I'd leave this morning
So I emptied out my drawer
A hundred thousand fingerprints
They floated through my floor
You know I stopped to pick them up
You don't care what you lose
Ah I don't even seem to know
Whose fingerprints are whose

Fingerprints, fingerprints
Where are you now my fingerprints?

And now you want to live with me
You want to take taste my smile
You want to throw confetti fingerprints
You know that's not my style
O sure I'd like to live you
even though I faced the dawn
While I knew a girl who knew me
When my fingerprints were on

Fingerprints, fingerprints
Where are you now my fingerprints?


Extra Reading