How to order McD's

ORDERING
01. If you ask for a moment to decide, do not ask them "are you ready" you needed more time - not them!
02. If they have temporarily run out of an item on the menu or if something is out of order, do not cry about it and make stupid comments about how "this never happens at Burger King!" either order something else or take a pill of shut the hell up!
03. If you do not speak English well or you talk like you got shit in your mouth, bring an interpreter... if not do not get upset when your order gets messed up. If you talked normally then your order would not get screwed up. And do not scream at them if they ask you to repeat your order... We're talking about cheeseburgers, not missiles... so calm down!
04. Do not confuse franchises! They do not 'biggie size,' they do not have onion rings or nachos, and no... You may not "have it your way."
05. They know the menu and they know the ordering process. They fucking know what PLAIN means... do not feel the need to include that means "meat and cheese only!" Ice cream cones only come in one size and if you do not see tomatoes on the sandwich in the picture do not fucking ask to have them taken them off. The Big Mac has been around for ages... It does not have tomatoes... and if by chance the order that you asked for came with pickles and you did not want any... just pick them off because that is all they are going to do when you bring it back to them to "fix it".
06. Do not go into the lobby two minutes before they close. Chances are they have already cleaned, and it will only cause them to do unspeakable things to your (already stale) food.
07. Do not act offended when they check your bills to see if they are counterfeit. Everywhere else you bring it, they're going to do the same thing. At the same time don't try to be funny and say, "I just made it" because you will be the 8,454,290,648th customer to say that.
08. What's the point of "easy ice"? Their ABS machine does not even have that setting. Either order no ice or take what you get.
09. Please do not order a combo and then when they ask what kind of drink you want tell them you do not want one. That defeats the whole purpose of ordering a fucking combo idiot!
10. Please learn what time breakfast ends and lunch starts. They do not serve burritos all day. It is not Jack-In-The-Box.
11. If you're a senior citizen, do not think you can drive past the speaker and say you forget to order... go back around like everyone else! You already get discounts... what more special favors do you expect?
12. Do not order free water and then sit in front my window and ask what the hold up is... you are not paying for it anyway...

PAYMENT
13. When paying keep your sweaty, wrinkly bills to yourself, along with your sticky change. And do not roll your eyes if you just paid eight dollars and forty-three cents in change and the cashier is counting to verify. It is not your register and you do not have to account for any missing money. Do not start handing over change after the cashier has already totaled your order, opened their register and started counting your change. Its not their fault you were too slow... Just take what you were given!
14. If they are busy taking an order, do not put your money on the ledge and not expect them to do the same thing with your change. Actually, If you let go of your money before they grab it, or you drop it while they are handing it to you. do not look at them like you really expect them to get it for you.
15. If your card is declined... do not ask why and assume it is their fault. Put some damn money in the bank cheap ass. And while we are talking about a bank do not ask them if they do cash back, it is not a bank.
DRIVE THROUGH
16. If you have a "turbo diesel" truck or an abnormally loud vehicle... how about turning off the engine genius? Actually, do not order if you are the passenger of the car or in the backseat and you know that you do not talk very loud... do not try to order for everyone in the car... The only person ordering should be the driver not your illegitimating children that just happen not to be in car seats. If you come through drive thru after your mid life crisis in your new sports car... and try to impress them with your 1987 pick up lines. For the LOVE OF GOD, if you know you should... then cover your damn self up! Just because it is drive-thru it does not mean you should not dress decent still.
17. When you pull to the window and hear/see me taking another order. Do not start talking to them about your order.
18. Listen when they say "your receipt will be at the next window" do not sit there and stare at them after they close the window. After you pay, proceed to the next window if no one is in front of you... Your business there is over.
19. Do realize that they can hear everything you say from the moment you pull up to the speaker till you drive off. So if you're talking shit, do not act so surprised when they are not exactly friendly when you get to the window.
20. Do not come through drive thru and then tell the manager at the 2nd window that they were rushing you. Drive thru is SUPPOSED to be fast.
21. DONT TALK SHIT as you are leaving the first window. They still have another window they can catch you at and they will.
22. If you are about 10 feet from the window when you are at the speaker... Do not ask them what your total is when they told you once AND it was on the screen.
23. If you see them having a conversation for a few seconds with the car in front of you... do not be an asshole and honk your horn... you will get your food soon enough, chances are it is not even bagged yet.

OTHER
24. If a McDonald's employee is on their break and eating in the lobby, do not ask them to fetch you BBQ sauce. Just because they are still in uniform it does not mean they are on the clock.
25. Do not ask if your sauce is in the bag if you never asked for it in the first place.
26. When they hand you your food and say "have a nice day!" you better respond with a smile, a "thanks, you too" or at least acknowledge their existence... its called being polite people...
28. CLEAN UP YOUR MESS. Those trashcans are conveniently located next to the exits for a reason.
29. Does this look like toys-r-us? Who cares if your kid's got 10 of the same toy already? That is because you do not feed them at home enough.


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