G.I. Joe’s Snake Eyes Revealed!!

Warning... Nerdgasm ahead...

It’s Probably Me...

If the night turned cold and the stars looked down
And you hug yourself on the cold cold ground.
You wake the morning in a stranger's coat,
No one would you see.
You ask yourself, who'd watch for me?
My only friend, who could it be?
It's hard to say it, I hate to say it, but it's probably me.

When your belly's empty and the hunger's so real
And you're too proud to beg and too dumb to steal,
You search the city for your only friend,
No one would you see.
You ask yourself, who'd watch for me?
A solitary voice to speak out and set me free.
I hate to say it, I hate to say it, but it's probably me.

You're not the easiest person I ever got to know
And it's hard for us both to let our feelings show.
Some would say I should let you go your way,
You'll only make me cry.
But if there's one guy, just one guy
Who'd lay down his life for you and die,
I hate to say it, I hate to say it, but it's probably me.

When the world's gone crazy and it makes no sense
And there's only one voice that comes to your defense.
The jury's out and your eyes search the room
And one friendly face is all you need to see.
And if there's one guy, just one guy
Who'd lay down his life for you and die,
I hate to say it, I hate to say it, but it's probably me.

Hallelujah

Baby I have been here before
I know this room, I've walked this floor
I used to live alone before I knew you.
I've seen your flag on the marble arch
Love is not a victory march
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah

Maybe there's a God above
And all I ever learned from love
Was how to shoot at someone who outdrew you;
It's not a cry you can hear at night
It's not somebody who's seen the light
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah

Now I've heard there was a secret chord
That David played, and it pleased the Lord
But you don't really care for music, do you?
It goes like this
The fourth, the fifth
The minor fall, the major lift
The baffled king composing Hallelujah

Your faith was strong but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you
She tied you
To a kitchen chair
She broke your throne, and she cut your hair
And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah

There was a time you let me know
What's real and going on below
But now you never show it to me, do you?
And remember when I moved in you
The holy dove was moving too
And every breath we drew was Hallelujah

You say I took the name in vain
I don't even know the name
But if I did, well really, what's it to you?
There's a blaze of light
In every word
It doesn't matter which you heard
The holy or the broken Hallelujah

I did my best, it wasn't much
I couldn't feel, so I tried to touch
I've told the truth, I didn't come to fool you
And even though
It all went wrong
I'll stand before the Lord of Song
With nothing on my tongue but Hallelujah

Censor Bar Art (Not Safe for Work)

Some of my Favorite Comedians...

01) Dave Attell


02) Greg Behrendt


03) Mike Birbiglia


04) Lewis Black


05) Louis CK


06) Pablo Francisco


07) Jim Gaffigan


08) Mitch Hedberg


09) Stephen Lynch


10) Ron White

Roshambo...

Have you ever gone to shake someone's hand... You know a traditional hand shake. Then the other person does for the fist pound? Yeah well then you have those two seconds to figure out what is going on and change... You have to do the first pound as well so you don't look like an ass... Well here is my plan... next time... Just say... Paper covers rock...

Actually that makes no sense...

I understand how scissors can beat paper. If you cut paper you just have strips of paper... I get how a rock can beat scissors. Hey you bent the scissors. That makes sense... But if you cover rock with paper.. Nothing happens... there is no structural damage done to rock. There is no fucking way paper can beat rock. Is paper supposed to magically wrap around rock and leave it immobile? Why the hell can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students are they take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody. PAPER SUCKS!!! A rock would tear that shit up in two seconds... when I play rock-paper-scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my already clenched fist and say, "Oh, shit I'm sorry, I though paper would protect you, you asshole."

Since paper can not change rock or damage rock at all I propose that we change the game... Rock... Dynamite with a cut-able wick... Scissors...




Extra Reading

What Happened to the Food...

Extra Reading

--- Stephen Crane

In the desert
I saw a creature, naked, bestial,
Who, squatting upon the ground,
Held his heart in his hands,
And ate of it.
I said: "Is it good, friend?"
"It is bitter-bitter," he answered;
"But I like it
Because it is bitter,
And because it is my heart."