The 25 Meanest Things Ever Said by Men

1. "Michael Jackson's album was only called Bad because there wasn't enough room on the sleeve for Pathetic."
--- Prince

2. "He looks like a dwarf who's been dipped in a bucket of pubic hair."
--- Boy George, on Prince

3. "He couldn't ad-lib a fart after a baked-bean dinner."
--- Johnny Carson, on Chevy Chase

4. "All that Hubert needs over there is a gal to answer the phone and a pencil with an eraser on it."
--- Lyndon Johnson, on Hubert Humphrey, his vice president

5. "The only reason so many people attended his funeral was they wanted to make sure he was dead."
--- Samuel Goldwyn, on Louis B. Mayer

6. "People shouldn't be treated like objects. They aren't that valuable."
--- P.J. O'Rourke

7. "Armaments, universal debt, and planned obsolescence--those are the three pillars of Western prosperity."
--- Aldous Huxley

8. "The only thing dumber than a pitcher is two pitchers."
--- Ted Williams

9. "I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said, 'Thyroid problem?'"
--- Emo Philips

10. "He has so many fishhooks in his nose, he looks like a piece of bait."
--- Bob Costas, on Dennis Rodman

11. "If you're going to spit at me, make sure you hit me in the face. Don't be wasting my time."
--- Dennis Rodman

12. "If I had a hammer, I'd use it on Peter, Paul, and Mary."
--- Howard Rosenberg

13. "Women's intuition is the result of millions of years of not thinking."
--- Rupert Hughes

14. "He walks as if he had fouled his small clothes and looks as if he smelt it."
--- Christopher Smart, on the poet Thomas Gray

15. "I couldn't warm to him even if I was cremated next to him."
--- Keith Richards, on Chuck Berry

16. "I'm glad I've given up drugs and alcohol. It would be awful to be like Keith Richards. He's pathetic. It's like a monkey with arthritis, trying to go onstage and look young."
--- Elton John

17. "One should forgive one's enemies, but not before they are hanged."
--- Heinrich Heine

18. "She not only kept her figure, she's added so much to it."
--- Bob Fosse

19. "Love is two minutes, 52 seconds of squishing noises."
--- Johnny Rotten

20. "Democracy is the worship of jackals by jackasses."
--- H.L. Mencken

21. "Family love is messy, clinging, and of an annoying and repetitive pattern, like bad wallpaper."
--- Friedrich Nietzsche

22. "You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a fruit fly, and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart."
--- Fred Allen

23. "Life is a cement trampoline."
--- Howard Nordberg

24. "He would sell you a rat's asshole for a wedding ring."
--- Tom Waits, on singer/songwriter Chuck E. Weiss

25. "Start every day with a smile and get it over with."
--- W.C. Fields

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