tech phrases you should be punched in the face for using

We're told that if you give a million monkeys a million typewriters, they'd create the works of Shakespeare - but what would you end up with if you threw a million typewriters at a monkey?

The internet shows us the answer: perfectly good phrases are replaced with rubbish, grown-ups talk like toddlers, and business bullshit is everywhere.

In an ideal world, anybody using these expressions would be punched in the face by their PC; for now, we'll have to make do with mocking them instead.

1, 2 and 3. Tweeted, Tweetup and Tweeple
What are you, four? The only person in the entire universe who can get away with this is Stephen Fry. Everyone else deserves to be pelted with bricks.

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