Priorities

Sorry I have not written in a couple of days. But I just downloaded X-Men the animated series Season 2 so I have been watching that. X-Men is one of the coolest shows out there from when I was a kid. Granted I was no Thundercats but hey. Well A recap.

I finally finished washing my car.

I painted the brake drums on the back wheels blue. I also got light up pedals and those are blue. They are very cool but my dad was not to keen on them. Oh well. I am really starting to be happy with my car. But I just found out that my friend who helps me with my car a lot might be moving to Florida.

Ok back to the X-Men. I never realized that beginning song was so lame until I heard it 4 times in a single sitting.

The More I Change, the More I Remain Barbaric

While eating at the food court in the old mall I realized there are somethings I want to change about myself. Yeah I know I just talked about food. What can I say I eat all the time. I'm a fat man waiting to happen.

Thing to Change #1:Not covering my mouth when I yawn. I don't know why don't do it I just don't. Ok I just yawn right now did you see it. I forgot got to cover my mouth until half way through.

Thing to Change #2:Getting Blue Cheese all over myself, the table and 15 napkins when I eat Buffalo Wings.

Thing to Change #3:Picking my teeth with a straw at the food court and restaurants. Why do I pick I pick my teeth. Because of the Buffalo Wings.

The reason why I want to change is not so I can become a better person and all that crap. I just want to be pick up chicks.

Tin Foil on Wheels

So I just finished cleaning my car. I did not wash it. We'll get back to that. Well I pulled out the old shop vac. And swept all the crap that had been in my car since I got it. Like rocks. I was going to use my mothers vacuum cleaner but that thing has sucked up too any Legos and it does not work as well as it used to. But the shop vac., man that thing sucks like a rebellious Catholic School girl. You know who I'm talking about. But then there was the extension cords and the electricity. Pain in the ass. I'm not kidding I have never been electrocuted on the buttocks before but there is a first time for everything.

Then time to Armor-All my tires and rims. While the stuff was curing so to speak I wiped down my dashboard with some lemon cleaning wipes and all the edges. While I was cleaning I found out that there are seven VIN numbers on my car. Not counting the ones on the engine block. Is this car desired that they have to track every part. Well, the stuff on the tires just dried up and when I tried to use the hose I just burst right in the middle. So I had to wipe the rims by hand with the wipes.

Note to self: buy new wipes for my mother since I used them all up.

So the inside of my car is clean and so are my tires but the rest is crappy. I have to get a new hose.

I hate that hose. It is supposed to be this hose that uses Fire Fighter technology. That means that it collapses when there is no water inside. Well you would figure thy would make it so it can withstand the elements. The freezing and thawing just made the thing burst. I hope fireman's hoses are better.

Note to self: make sure the house only burns down on a temperate day.

Extra Reading

Public Service Announcement

For some reason all my friends seem to be interested in reading this blog. Well for all those that are reading this I want to lay down some ground rules.

Rule #1:No names. Do not post your name or anyone else's name. Find out another way to describe some one else. I am in the process of devising a way to encode peoples names so no one can tell who someone else is. I did have one code but that code is out on the Internet like the Paris Hilton sex tape. Once I have figured out how to encrypt peoples names I will tell everyone and will thus tell everyone their own name.

Ok you know what that is the only rule that I can think of. Everyone should know that you should check back often. You should also scan old posts because sometimes I add things to my posts.

Some people might be thinking "who is the weird person on the right." That person is Leonard Cohen. He is by far the greatest writer to ever walk this earth so there.

Cool now back to the posts.

The Things I Do

Well that was an hour trying to change the previous picture and then realizing that I did not like it. Then posting this picture and then trying to put it on the right hand side. I know it does not look like much of a difference but this is actually the picture I wanted originally. I never thought that I would say this but, I miss HTML.

Doctor, you haven't even touched your food.

So I have discovered something new in my life. No it's not self-sealing stem bolts. I just got a new job. I needed to make some extra cash to pay for my unfortunate accident. By accident I mean owning a structurally weak car. While most people would just say that I should just buy myself a gas guzzling, ego busting, environmental destroying, penis enlarging, mid-life crisis curing, bald spot hiding SUV I am forced to wonder, "What Would Jesus Drive?"

But seriously I am actually enjoying my new job. It creates a little change in the routine so thats nice. I have been eating the same mall food food for what has to be the better part of 30 years. At least it feels that way. Eating the same food over nd over again I feel like that guy, whose name no one knows, whole was stuck on Blue Lagoon with Brooke Shields. Maybe it was having to eat the same food day after day or maybe it was Her whining but either would have made gobble those poison berries. I probably would have shove some up my ass just to be doubly sure that they would work. Which brings us to the topic of choice today. FOOD. And most importantly MALL FOOD.

Panda Express: I went and I got some good old Chinese food. When I say good, I mean bad. When I say old, I mean old. Well I like plenty of sauce on my Chinese. I put some duck sauce, some soy sauce, and some hot sauce on my Lo Mein. They did not have duck sauce. What ind of Chinese restaurant does not have duck sauce. Don't they have mallards in th back just pumping this stuff out. I want sauce.

CVS: I know when I say CVS I know that you guys are thinking. Home made breakfast. Well let me tell you that is not the case. I went to CVS and I hot some Slim Jims. Sure because when I say healthy nutritious breakfast I must mean the mechanically separated chicken that makes up this sub-jerky substitute. Just like Grandma used to make. Because grandma used the left over meats from all the animals in the farm. Well you know how they are supposed to wrapped up in a way that the jerky will never go bad. I mean this stuff is supposed to be around as a dietary supplement for the cockroaches after all the humans have wiped themselves of the face of the earth. Well this one jerky I got was green, gray, fuzzy and moldy. Not exactly the epitome of freshness.

McDonalds: They were handing out nutritional facts pamphlet. Not even on god paper so I could blow my nose on it. It you are getting you, if you are getting your nutritional advice from a McD's pamphlet then you need to take of that aluminum hat you keep wearing on your head.

Wendy's: Ok the the weird thing about Wendy's is that the chilly is mostly beans. And we all know what beans does to a man. Seriously though I thought I was some cowboy in the Midwest just having beans with every meal. Sit next to the fire and have some more beans. You know the kind of place where the basic food groups are beans and bacon and bourbon. But you don't want to eat any of it but you know it will be around because that stuff keep and keeps and keeps. Finally the really weird thing that happened to me me while I was dining on the food, and I use that term loosely, of Dave Thomas. I was using a straw for my drink. I would use it for my chilly but do you know why I couldn't. Too many beans. Well you know when you rip a small part of the end of the straw wrapper. Well then you take the part of the straw that is not in the wrapper and put it in your mouth and blow. Well this time I pointed the straw into the air. Usually it's at someone. Usually their face. Usually their eye. Well the weird thing was that the paper wrapper just stuck to the wall about 15 feet in the air. I was really weird and I took away my appetite for beans. I swear they barely give you any meat. It's vegetarian chilly. I am not a vegetarian I did not work my way up the food chain just so I can give up my spot and eat Fabaceae or Leguminosae. Except maybe the tamarind that is good stuff. Beans. They are not even good tasting beans. I know I've been on the bean subject but come on. Oh and their portions suck.

Wow I swore this post would be a short one tonight. That is it about food. There I touched it are you happy.

Extra Reading

Something tells me you shouldn't touch Turbo Boost.

Well so I just got my remote started installed on my car. This is so cool. The idea of being able to turn on my car and having it wait for me all nice and warm is the coolest thing ever. It's like the ultimate remote control. Michael Knight had nothing on my car. Well maybe that Turbo boost thing. But come on when are you going to use that. That car has gone through some hard times with me.

Hard Time #1:
One night I was in my car for a long time just listening to music and finishing up a story. Well the next morning when I tried to turn my car on it would not start. At first I thought it was because the battery was dead but the radio would turn on so that was not it. Well after driving my mother car to work and coming home to have my dad look at it we realized that my car came with an engine kill switch and some how I had turned it on the night before.

Hard Time #2:
Last thanksgiving I crashed it against my friend's mailbox. And since I drive a Hyundai my car lost it's epic battle against the forces of the postal service. Well that was $500 dollars to get repaired. On the bright side though is that I met this cool guy by the name of "AT0400." Ok so that is not his name but i don't want to post his name so that is what I will call him. Well anyway so he fixed my car and off I was. By fixing my car I mean getting a new fender and new rear view mirror.

Hard Time #3:
When I got my car back I wanted to have so much work done to it. Well for starters AT0400 did not finish putting on the pinstripe on my car. Well later on I put in new things on the car such as oil, gas, air filters and new spark plugs and new brake pads. More money.

Hard Time #4:
Well then I get a ticket for talking on my cell wile driving. More money for the car. For those who have not read the story on my ticket please do not feel left out. For those that have I must apologize for bringing it up again. But for those who don't know: It ended up being something like $1.88 for every second of talking. For 45 second conversation. I was really tempted to swear a vow of silence I'm not kidding.

Hard Time #5:
One day I was just driving around my stoping grounds of middle Rockland County. I was driving all day and I had something on my mind and I kept thinking oh I have enough gas. Well Let me tell you. That 'E' stands for 'empty' not 'enough' as I had erroneously assumed. Well there is nothing like having to park your car and and being your long walk to the gas station. Thats like a whole mile. Well as soon as I got out and slammed on my door I remembered that the key was still in the ignition. Could it get any worse. Well luckily there was a copy of my key close by. So I walked in the opposite direction of the gas station to get my key. On the way back to my car I figure I will run down this hill that has snow and ice. Good idea. Well I make it to the bottom of the hill unscathed. Well I walk most of the way back to my car when I see this car that makes me want to make a phone call. Don't ask. I reach for my phone and it's not there. Back to the snowy hill. Now I have to look through the snow. This is the one time that I wished that I still had one of those old brick phone and not a Motorola v60i. At least with those old phones you know when you dropped them because if you were running much faster you knew your just shed 20 pounds of cellular making ability. Found my phone in the snow with my bare hands. My mom asks, "Why weren't you wearing gloves?" Because I was in the car. Well get keys and and mp3 player. Start my walk listening to LC. Look to the right of your screen. After almost being run over by some minivan looking for the parkway I have to go tho the bathroom. Patricia's Pizza whose food no longer tastes good after change in ownership and whose bathroom looks like a Port Authority cleaning nightmare. The best thing about being a man. We can do it standing up. Continue walking and buy a gas can and some gas. And walk back to my car. You know how they make gas cans red for safely. Well I don't think that is the case. I think it's so you people can see the gas can as you walk down the street and they can realize that you are some idiot that just ran out of gas. Get back to my car and pour some of it into my tank most of it pours all over my Neo Propylene gloves. Nice smell for the ride back home.

Hard Time #6:
While driving one day. Minding my own business I was making a left but there was that person who was going straight and hit my car. Well let me tell you my car did not do to well in the battle of the 'front-ends.' I had no front end and the lady that hit me had a dent in her car. I must be driving in aluminum foil with wheels. Luckily I knew the lady and she did not want to file a report.

I had my car towed back to the body shop. $1500. You know that is how much I paid for the car in the first place. Well I paid for it and moved on. Well that is after I spent the $800 on new tires and new wheels. Some more for a remote stater and to have it installed.

Which brings me to the end of today and the beginning of tomorrow.

"...a lone crusader in a dangerous world. The world... of the Knight Rider."

If You Cut Me ... Do I Not Bleed?

Some people are so lame. So at work we have the 'loss prevention' team. Well they have been cracking down on people holding stuff for themselves behind the register. You should see these guys cracking down. They walk through the whole store. The whole damn team. Like seven of them is needed to get rid of the evil teddy bear contraband that is being put on hold for someones child. Well the loss prevention manager has been holding something behind my register for months now and the only reason why no one takes it away is because it belongs to him. I told him that he should buy it and not leave it there. Well he took it but he gave me this attitude that I should not get on his bad side. That just blows man. Some people just have to abuse their power. So many people had the stuff that they were holding put back and he does stuff like that. I mean you are the loss prevention manager. At least have the decency to follow your own rules. I was just tired of seeing his power corrupt more and more as his stupid bag sat there. I mean fair is fair. I so hate this elitism crap that he was trying to pull. Oh well I guess I just pissed someone else of at work. All in the name of scruples and morality.

The Grind Stone

Ok so I'm laying in bed and i should be getting ready to go to work. I have to be there in 45 min. Imagine taking a shower and getting dressed and eating breakfast and putting on my contacts and driving to work in 45 min. I wont make it so why even bother.

I finally should talk that yesterday or today at 2am was my first post ever. I have no idea if that is special in any way. I don't think so. I am typing this on Text Document by OpenOffice.org it's a cheap, free, just as good maybe better version of Microsoft Word. It's even compatible with word so you can send documents to all those people who don't know any better that they can get a free program instead of shelling out 300 dollars. The reason why I type on the program first is because My spelling sucks. I have this one friend who can spell really well but she just uses the wrong word. For example, when she says: "I can't wait." Instead of sing the word 'wait,' she says 'weight.' I think she is calling me fat. Just another grate day to start the day. That last one was a joke. Most people won't see it.

New But Still Boring

How lame is this crap. Really I was supposed to get home around 11 so i could go right to sleep. Well i went to the fire house and got talking to Caren. Man that girl is funny. Well she told me about her journal so i figured that i would join in on the fun. I have been wanting to do it for a while so don't think that I'm just jumping in on the bandwagon. Well I'm not what I am doing is depriving myself of sleep. Ok bed time.