Conversations With Oma Desala

Standing in a dark room by myself. There are no doors and no windows. As I spin around there is a small girl in the room with me.
Wow how did you get here.
I have been here for some time.
Good. Can you tell me where "here" is?
Here is everywhere you are.
I figure that I should start my questioning a different way.
So who are you?
I am many things.
Some how you look familiar.
Lightning flashes, sparks shower, in one blink of your eye you have mis-seen.
But you are just a child. How can I learn anything from you.
There is a child in all of us.
Wow that's a useful piece of knowledge right there. So what are you going to to teach me now?
I cannot teach you what you already know.
You know I don’t really like this cryptic stuff. I would leave if I could.
Your fate is in your hands.
So are you going to answer the questions that I have wanted answers to all of my life.
Questions are plentiful. Answers are few.
I just want to know what I am suppose to do with my life.
You must release your burden before you can find your own way again.
I am starting to get angry.
But I need your help to figure all these things that will help me make the world a better place. Why is there all this pointless evil in the world? Some times I hate these things so much I just want to die.
When the mind is enlightened the spirit is freed and body matters not.
What is that supposed to mean. I have no idea what you are talking about. I thought you were here to help me.
Ultimately a man travels his chosen path alone.
So then why am I having this dream?
Dreams teach.
Teach what?
Teach that the true nature of a man is decided in the battle between his conscious mind and the desires of the subconscious. The evil of the mind's subconscious is too strong to resist.
So What am I supposed to do about it? How am supposed to fight against this evil.
The only way to win is to deny it battle.
I don't believe that. We are not inherently evil.
I only know a snowflake cannot exist in a storm of fire.
But snowflakes are beautiful and I am not. I am not unique. I am like all the crap in the world.
You do not have the same evil within you.
Thanks some how I still do not feel like my soul has been saved. Where do I go from there?
Anyone can reach enlightenment. Anyone prepared to open their mind.
But what about in the end... What if I look back on my life and realize that I have not done anything worth while and my life does not up to anything.
The success or failure of your deeds does not add up to the sum of your life.
How am I supposed to decide whether or not my life is worth while.
Judge yourself by the intention of your actions and by the strength of which you faced the challenges that have stood in your way.
I can not do that. I have become to bitter in my life to do that fairly to myself.
If the instrument is broken, the music will be sour.
The music does not play the musician.
Normally there is truth in that.
Really because I was just throwing stuff out there. Actually I have no idea what I am talking about.
She smiles at me. It's the greatest smile I have ever seen.
Why do you feel you have failed on your journey?
I don't think that I have done anything in my life. I am falling into the abyss. That is what I call it you know. That's what growing older and not achieving anything is for me... an abyss.
You feel your journey must continue until you have found redemption for these failures?
I never made the world a better place. I was supposed to teach everyone how to be nice to one another. I was supposed to teach everyone how to be understanding to one another. In the end I just ruined my life.
You have chosen a path that leads to me because of this?
Yes. I did nothing I wanted. I was going to write a book that would help the world.
Words cannot express things, speech cannot convey the spirit, swayed by words, one is lost. One cannot carry darkness on the great path.
I hate this. I hate this room. Where ever I am. I don't want to hear anything. I want to be a bad person again.
The river tells no lies. Though standing on the shore the dishonest man still hears them.
I don't know what I know anymore. Sometimes I think I am the dumbest person alive.
You can never reach enlightenment if you do not believe you are worthy.
So maybe I am not worthy.
She speaks in a way that gives me confidence.
These tasks of which you speak were great challenges. Perhaps they were even impossible to achieve.
So I failed. Everyone was right. I am a failure.
The universe is vast and we are so small. There is only one thing we can truly control.
Oh yeah? What could I possible control in my life?
Whether we are good or evil.
I have tried to be a good person and I have tried to be a bad person. I don't know which one I truly am.
A tall man cannot hide in the short grass.
All I want to do is fit in. I will do anything to fit in with the rest of the world just so I don't feel alienated.
You have your own burdens of which to rid yourself.
I hate this existence that I have created for myself. I get up. Work. I go back to sleep. I feel so trapped.
The mind is always free.
I don't want to be free. I want to be bound. Bound to to another person so when I go to sleep I know someone will be waiting. Instead I get blamed for everything when I tried my best.
Within you is the capacity for trust.
I did trust. I trusted and was deceived. Deceived when I tried to earn trust.
You must trust. You must believe.
I tried to believe but I feel more comfortable with my wall to protect me.
Leaves fall from the tree once a year but the tree still grows strong and proud.
So did I reach enlightenment or what?
Because it is so clear, it takes a longer time to realize it, if you immediately know the candlelight is fire, then the meal was cooked a long time ago.
Then what?
The rest is up to you.
I scream. I thought she would reply in anger. But instead she replies with more compassion.
A spark lights the flame but the candle will only burn as long as the wick.
That just pisses me off. I ask her what the fuck does that mean.
What the fuck does that mean.
You must complete the journey you began. Only then will you be able to find your way to the Great Path.
Alright... What if I don't want to reach enlightenment.
Walking the Great Path brings great responsibility. You cannot fear it nor hesitate in your resolve.
Begins to walk away and I call out to her.
Well I guess it's time for me to continue on my "Path."
And it is time for me to continue on mine.
For some reason I am now calm again.
Will I ever see you again?
All roads eventually lead to the great path.
You still have not answered my question.
The little girl smiles.
Many cross on the way.
I smile and walk away.