The Worst Comic Book Movies

Daredevil (2003)

Although I like Ben Affleck as an actor, "Daredevil" made everyone wish they were blind. This movie seemed to be a propaganda film for leather fetishes and cross dressers. The first time you see Daredevil he looks like he got the crap beaten out of him. Or if he is into those kinds of games he should say that he "fell down some stairs." What kind of superhero can be rendered helpless by a loud noise? Daredevil and Venom should go out and buy "Earplugs for Dummies." This movie came out in February and it already felt like the worst movie of the year. The only redeemable thing in this movie was Elektra and they screwed up that spin off as well.


Superman Sequels

The sequels Superman III and Superman IV: The Quest for Peace and Superman Returns have nothing on Richard Donner. What studio genius thought Richard Pryor would be great for a Superman movie? Whose idea was it to give Christopher Reeve influence over the script of "Superman IV"? And who thought that Marc McClure as Jimmy Olsen was the perfect cross-over character for Supergirl? Better known as: 'When Superman Started to Suck.' made it into a long journey that would end with Brian Singer turning Superman into a peeping Tom in Superman Returns. DC do you know what would make a great plot to a Superman movie??? If he got to fight a SUPERVILAN... not just Lex Luthor and a kryptonite mountain.


Fantastic Four (1994)

This is the first time F4 shows up on this list and this time it is not pretty. What really sucks about this film is that it was never really intended to be released. It was just so the company would not loose the rights to the film. Unfortunately, no one bothered to tell the actors or the directer so needless to say they were pissed when they found out. Rebecca Staab who played Invisible Woman is twenty years older then Alba. But she is twenty times hotter. The horrible effects in this movie are what make it so worthwhile. The Thing looks like an orange dried out Gumby and when he says "It's clobbering time." you will want to just fall over laughing.


Howard the Duck (1986)

It is rumored this film was presented to the Supreme Court as evidence that George Lucas is, in fact, not a great filmmaker. It is also rumored that Joel Schumacher got his idea of nipples on the batsuit from the scene featuring a duck with nipples. No one on the this planet remembers the plot for this crappy movie. Daffy Duck was probably happy to hear that he was passed over as the lead on this film. The only time this Howard the Duck is used in a good manner in during Lucas in Love and he is only in it for 2.3 seconds because that is all the general public can take. After taking this movie in we all got to wash it down with The Phantom Menace.


Josie and the Pussycats (2001)

This film is basicily the Spice Girls with Rachael Leigh Cook, Tara Reid and Rosario Dawson. Tara Reid is by far the ditsiest and the hottest of them all followed by Dawson. This movie might not have been so bad if it was not for all the product placement along the whole film. Not 2 minutes went by before someone mentioned some other brand. Makes you want to puke all over Rachael Leigh Cook like she likes it. The studio was originally upset about the PG-13 rating because of some sensuality... For your information studio... That is the only thing that makes this movie worthwhile... While "Josie and the Pussycats" is TOTALLY worthwhile as spank material they should have made and Archie movie... Now there is a comic that is all about pussy. Whoever get this reference send me a note.


The Hulk (2003)

Apparently Ang Lee was getting tired of the awards and praise he was getting for Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. Why else would he make such a mess of "The Hulk?" Forget the special effects the only thing looking at in this film was Jennifer Connelly's... eyes... Seriously. Nick Nolte was a drunkard in this movie... so basically Nick Nolte played Nick Nolte. Hey Nick I bet there was a lot of research done for that film. While the Hulk looked great, the script imploded by page two. Note to Hollywood: Mutant poodles do not make great monsters. The last thing to be this big and this green and suck this bad was Godzilla. They could have made this movie so much better by just giving the Hulk a Scottish accent and had Eddy Murphy follow him around.


Batman Forever (1995) / Batman and Robin (1998)

It's true that 1989's Batman was not Tim Burton's best film, but at least it and Batman Returns were watchable. However, when Joel Schumacher took over the franchise the audience had to deal with nipples on the batsuit. How could the man who made the Lost Boys and Flatliners make this crappy film. Adam West is spinning in his grave Schumacher. Oh wait... Adam is not dead. Well I am sure he wanted to commit supoku with a dull batarang after watching this film. I bet you these films are the reason why Kiefer does not talk to you anymore you bastard. Schumacher... Why did you get rid of Elfman? Danny Elfman was the best thing to happen to the batman music since "Dadadadadadadadadadadadada...Batman!"


Spawn (1997)

This movie almost made me sell my soul to the Devil to get my two hours back. You know what D.B. Sweeney... Stick to doing crappy figure skating movies and stay out of my childhood dramatizations. This was a film that had the potential to make some great allegory about the eternal battle between good and evil and all we get is the man who spawned Charlie and the rest of the Estevez children. Not to mention that Sid the Sloth made a great cameo as a fat clown. Still Todd McFarlane got to laugh all the way to the bank so he could buy another crappy Barry Bonds baseball.


Ghost Rider Trailer (2006)

The two greatest parts about this were when the horse turns into "Ghost Horse" and the credits. Everything else was filler. Another film that just had the wrong cast. For years scientists have theorized that one day Nicolas Cage would overact so badly that his head would burst into flames. Now, with Ghost Rider, the phenomenon has finally come to pass. The chain was a better actor. How can anyone take him seriously. Everyone in the theater kept hoping the Scooby Doo gang would come out, rip the mask off of Cage and reveal Ghost Rider really is just a crazy old man! Wes Bently!!! Come on everyone wanted him to die on his stupid plastic bag on American Beauty and how he is supposed to be the Devils son.


The Punisher (1989)

What the hell would some have to do to receive the punishment to watching this piece of crap film. This Punisher movie is to comic book movies as what KFC is to chicken... Louis Gossett Jr. would go on to be on Stargate so thats one plus. I was so happy to hear that the 2004 version of this movie was a complete redo. Even though it would have Thomas Jane which in my book is a poor mans version of Christopher Lambert. And the new version would have Samantha Mathis which is an under used hottie. Dolph on the other hand never recovered from the the punches to the head that he got from Sly Stallone... Which brings us to...


Judge Dredd (1995)

I have no idea who got hit with a frying pan only to wake up and come up with this great idea. Max von Sydow... What could have possessed you to do this? For Christ sakes you played Jesus. [Sorry for the blasphemy.] Did they kidnap your grandkids? Is that why you did this to yourself? Everyone knew why Rob Schneider was in the movie... It was like he was destined to do Deuce Bigalow. As for you, Stalone... Why do you let IMDB mock you by using a photo of you from this movie as your stock picture... They are just f*cking with you dude. You may claim to be the Law but you suck at it.


Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer Trailer (2007)

There was no way this movie should have sucked. It had the Silver Surfer. The herald of Galactus. The most powerful being the whole Marvel Universe. He was supposed to be a bad ass and instead he gets turned into a Telebbie while retelling his life story to the Invisible Woman. While we are talking about the Invisible woman... I did not receive the memo that stated that the Fantastic Four was a team made up of all guys. Alba was so ugly she should have not been in the film and just claimed that she was invisible the whole time. Instead we have her having these ridiculously awkward moments with her brother. Hey guys you are not siblings on the set of Star Wars. Don't try to kiss. The bit that made this movie craptacular was Galactus. I wanted a real bad buy not some cosmic fart that was coming to destroy the earth like smog.


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