Potentially Vs Realistically

A boy went up to his father and asked him, "Dad, what is the difference between potentially and realistically?"

The father thought for a moment, then answered, "Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and then,ask your brother if he'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Come back and tell me what you learn from that."

So the boy went to his mother and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?" The mother replied, "Of course I would! We could really use that money to fix up the house and send you kids to a great University!"

The boy then went to his sister and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?" The girl replied, "Oh my God! I LOVE Brad Pitt. I would sleep with him in a heartbeat, are you nuts?!?!?"

The boy then went to his brother and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?" "Of course," the brother replied "Do you know how much a million bucks would buy?"

The boy pondered the answers for a few days, then went back to his Dad. His father asked him, "Did you find out the difference between potentially and realistically?"

The boy replied, "Yes... Potentially, you and I are sitting on Three Million Dollars... but Realistically,... we're living with two Sluts and a Queer.

Doombah GizzardDooodle

MY NEW NAME IS IN THE SUBJECT. DON'T LAUGH UNTIL YOU FIND OUT WHAT YOUR NEW NAME IS. We all need a little stress-reliever! This only takes a minute. Please don't be a bore and ruin it. Here is your dose of humour...

A. Follow the instructions to find your new name.
B. Once you have your new name, put it in the subject box and forward it to friends and family and co-workers. Don't go all adult - a senior manager is now known far and wide as Dorky Gizzardsniffer.

The following is excerpted from a children's book, Captain Underpants And the Perilous Plot of Professor Poopypants, by Dav Pilkey, in which the evil Professor forces everyone to assume new names...

1. Use the third letter of your first name to determine your new first name:

First Name

a = snickle	b = doombah	c = goober	d = cheesey
e = crusty	f = greasy	g = dumbo	h = farcus
i = dorky	j = doofus	k = funky	l = boobie
m = sleezy	n = sloopy	o = fluffy	p = stinky
q = slimy	r = dorfus	s = snooty	t = tootsie
u = dipsy	v = sneezy	w = liver	x = skippy
y = dinky	z = zippy

2. Use the second letter of your last name to determine the first half of your new last name:

First Part of Last Name

a = dippin	b = feather	c = batty	d = burger
e = chicken	f = barffy	g = lizard	h = waffle
i = farkle	j = monkey	k = flippin	l = fricken
m = bubble	n = rhino	o = potty	p = hamster
q = buckle	r = gizzard	s = lickin	t = snickle
u = chuckle	v = pickle	w = hubble	x = dingle
y = gorilla	z = girdle

3. Use the third letter of your last name to determine the second half of your new last name:

Second Part of Last Name

a = butt	b = boob	c = face	d = nose
e = hump	f = breath	g = pants	h = shorts
i = lips	j = honker	k = head	l = tush
m = chunks	n = dunkin	o = brains	p = biscuits
q = toes	r = doodle	s = fanny	t = sniffer
u = sprinkle	v = frack	w = squirt	x = dinck
y = hiney	z = juice

Thus, for example, George W. Bush's new name is: Fluffy Chucklefanny. Remember that children laugh an average of 146 times a day; adults laugh an average of 4 times a day. Put more laughter in your day.

I Should Be Talking About My Life

I have been meaning to post updates about my life for a while now and I have not gotten around to it... Since It is the day after Halloween I figured I should post this...


The worst thing about Halloween is, of course, candy corn. It's unbelievable to me. Candy corn is the only candy in the history of America that's never been advertised. And there's a reason. All of the candy corn that was ever made was made in 1911. And so, since nobody eats that stuff, every year there's a ton of it left over. And the candy corn company sends the guys to the villages and they collect out of the dumpsters all the candy corn we've thrown away. They wash it!! They wash it!

I'll never forget the first time my mother gave me candy corn. She said, "Here - Lewis, this is candy corn. It's corn that tastes like candy". [puts some in his mouth] This tastes like crap! And every year since then, Halloween has returned and I, like an Alzhiemer's patient, find myself in the room, and the room has a big table in it, and on the table is a bowl of candy corn. And I look at it as if I've never seen it before. "Candy corn", I think. "Corn that tastes like candy. I can't wait". Son of a bitch!!
-- comedian Lewis Black


Damn that never fails to make me laugh...


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