ORDERING
01. If you ask for a moment to decide, do not ask them "are you ready" you needed more time - not them!
02. If they have temporarily run out of an item on the menu or if something is out of order, do not cry about it and make stupid comments about how "this never happens at Burger King!" either order something else or take a pill of shut the hell up!
03. If you do not speak English well or you talk like you got shit in your mouth, bring an interpreter... if not do not get upset when your order gets messed up. If you talked normally then your order would not get screwed up. And do not scream at them if they ask you to repeat your order... We're talking about cheeseburgers, not missiles... so calm down!
04. Do not confuse franchises! They do not 'biggie size,' they do not have onion rings or nachos, and no... You may not "have it your way."
05. They know the menu and they know the ordering process. They fucking know what PLAIN means... do not feel the need to include that means "meat and cheese only!" Ice cream cones only come in one size and if you do not see tomatoes on the sandwich in the picture do not fucking ask to have them taken them off. The Big Mac has been around for ages... It does not have tomatoes... and if by chance the order that you asked for came with pickles and you did not want any... just pick them off because that is all they are going to do when you bring it back to them to "fix it".
06. Do not go into the lobby two minutes before they close. Chances are they have already cleaned, and it will only cause them to do unspeakable things to your (already stale) food.
07. Do not act offended when they check your bills to see if they are counterfeit. Everywhere else you bring it, they're going to do the same thing. At the same time don't try to be funny and say, "I just made it" because you will be the 8,454,290,648th customer to say that.
08. What's the point of "easy ice"? Their ABS machine does not even have that setting. Either order no ice or take what you get.
09. Please do not order a combo and then when they ask what kind of drink you want tell them you do not want one. That defeats the whole purpose of ordering a fucking combo idiot!
10. Please learn what time breakfast ends and lunch starts. They do not serve burritos all day. It is not Jack-In-The-Box.
11. If you're a senior citizen, do not think you can drive past the speaker and say you forget to order... go back around like everyone else! You already get discounts... what more special favors do you expect?
12. Do not order free water and then sit in front my window and ask what the hold up is... you are not paying for it anyway...
PAYMENT
13. When paying keep your sweaty, wrinkly bills to yourself, along with your sticky change. And do not roll your eyes if you just paid eight dollars and forty-three cents in change and the cashier is counting to verify. It is not your register and you do not have to account for any missing money. Do not start handing over change after the cashier has already totaled your order, opened their register and started counting your change. Its not their fault you were too slow... Just take what you were given!
14. If they are busy taking an order, do not put your money on the ledge and not expect them to do the same thing with your change. Actually, If you let go of your money before they grab it, or you drop it while they are handing it to you. do not look at them like you really expect them to get it for you.
15. If your card is declined... do not ask why and assume it is their fault. Put some damn money in the bank cheap ass. And while we are talking about a bank do not ask them if they do cash back, it is not a bank.
DRIVE THROUGH
16. If you have a "turbo diesel" truck or an abnormally loud vehicle... how about turning off the engine genius? Actually, do not order if you are the passenger of the car or in the backseat and you know that you do not talk very loud... do not try to order for everyone in the car... The only person ordering should be the driver not your illegitimating children that just happen not to be in car seats. If you come through drive thru after your mid life crisis in your new sports car... and try to impress them with your 1987 pick up lines. For the LOVE OF GOD, if you know you should... then cover your damn self up! Just because it is drive-thru it does not mean you should not dress decent still.
17. When you pull to the window and hear/see me taking another order. Do not start talking to them about your order.
18. Listen when they say "your receipt will be at the next window" do not sit there and stare at them after they close the window. After you pay, proceed to the next window if no one is in front of you... Your business there is over.
19. Do realize that they can hear everything you say from the moment you pull up to the speaker till you drive off. So if you're talking shit, do not act so surprised when they are not exactly friendly when you get to the window.
20. Do not come through drive thru and then tell the manager at the 2nd window that they were rushing you. Drive thru is SUPPOSED to be fast.
21. DONT TALK SHIT as you are leaving the first window. They still have another window they can catch you at and they will.
22. If you are about 10 feet from the window when you are at the speaker... Do not ask them what your total is when they told you once AND it was on the screen.
23. If you see them having a conversation for a few seconds with the car in front of you... do not be an asshole and honk your horn... you will get your food soon enough, chances are it is not even bagged yet.
OTHER
24. If a McDonald's employee is on their break and eating in the lobby, do not ask them to fetch you BBQ sauce. Just because they are still in uniform it does not mean they are on the clock.
25. Do not ask if your sauce is in the bag if you never asked for it in the first place.
26. When they hand you your food and say "have a nice day!" you better respond with a smile, a "thanks, you too" or at least acknowledge their existence... its called being polite people...
28. CLEAN UP YOUR MESS. Those trashcans are conveniently located next to the exits for a reason.
29. Does this look like toys-r-us? Who cares if your kid's got 10 of the same toy already? That is because you do not feed them at home enough.
Extra Reading
Friday, October 20, 2006
How to order McD's
Thursday, October 19, 2006
You've Got Crap
An incredible video from CNBC shows an AOL customer trying to cancel his account, but a phone rep won't let him do it. What customer Vincent Ferrari got when he tried to cancel his account was a lot of frustration.
It took him 15 minutes waiting on the phone just to reach a real, live person.
And, what happened next was recorded by Ferrari on audio and lasted about four minutes:
CLOCK READOUT - 00:00
AOL REPRESENTATIVE: Hi this is John at AOL... how may I help you today?
VINCENT FERRARI: I wanted to cancel my account.
AOL: Sorry to hear that. Let's pull your account up here real quick. Can I have your name please?
VINCENT: Vincent Ferrari.
CLOCK READOUT - 00:30
AOL: You've had this account for a long time.
VINCENT: Yup.
AOL: Use this quite a bit. What was the cause of wanting to turn this off today?
VINCENT: I just don't use it anymore.
AOL: Do you have a high speed connection, like the DSL or cable?
VINCENT: Yup.
AOL: How long have you had that...
VINCENT: Years...
AOL: ...the high speed?
VINCENT: ...years.
AOL: Well, actually I'm showing a lot of usage on this account.
VINCENT: Yeah, a long time, a long time ago, not recently...
CLOCK READOUT - 01:47
AOL: Okay, I mean is there a problem with the software itself?
VINCENT: No. I just don't use it, I don't need it, I don't want it. I just don't need it anymore.
AOL: Okay. So when you use this... I mean, use the computer, I'm saying, is that for business or for... for school?
VINCENT: Dude, what difference does it make. I don't want the AOL account anymore. Can we please cancel it?
CLOCK READOUT - 02:21
AOL: Last year was 545, last month was 545 hours of usage...
VINCENT: I don't know how to make this any clearer, so I'm just gonna say it one last time. Cancel the account.
AOL: Well explain to me what's, why...
VINCENT: I'm not explaining anything to you. Cancel the account.
AOL: Well, what's the matter man? We're just, I'm just trying to help here.
VINCENT: You're not helping me. You're helping me...
AOL: I am trying to help.
VINCENT: Helping... listen, I called to cancel the account. Helping me would be canceling the account. Please help me and cancel the account.
AOL: No, it wouldn't actually...
VINCENT: Cancel my account...
AOL: Turning off your account...
VINCENT: ...cancel the account...
AOL: ...would be the worst thing that...
VINCENT: ...cancel the account.
CLOCK READOUT - 03:02
AOL: Okay, cause I'm just trying to figure out...
VINCENT: Cancel the account. I don't know how to make this any clearer for you. Cancel the account. When I say cancel the account, I don't mean help me figure out how to keep it, I mean cancel the account.
AOL: Well, I'm sorry, I don't know what anybody's done to you Vincent because all I'm...
VINCENT: Will you please cancel the account.
CLOCK READOUT - 03:32
AOL: Alright, some day when you calmed down you're gonna realize that all I was trying to do was help you... and it was actually in your best interest to listen to me.
VINCENT: Wonderful, Okay.
CLOCK READOUT - 03:39
"I've never ever experienced anything like that," Ferrari told CNBC.
He recounts how the AOL representative - as a last resort even asked if his dad was home.
"I think I could've put up with everything, but at the point when he asked to speak to my father, I came very close to losing it at that point," said the 30-year-old Ferrari.
Ferrari then posted the call online, and the response was tremendous.
AOL sent him an apology and said the customer service rep was no longer with the company.
Extra Reading
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
Suck it Riker!
| A lover of Shakespeare and other fine literature. You have a decisive mind and a firm hand in dealing with others. |
Extra Reading
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
10 Animal Senses You wish you had
You might think you're smart, but none of your senses rival the keenest abilities in the animal world. Animals see in the dark, sniff prey miles away, and detect electrical output from muscle twitches in hidden meals. Read on, so you don't become one of those meals.
10) Bats
Bats avoid obstacles and nab insects on the wing by emitting ultrasonic squeaks and interpreting the echo the sound waves make after bouncing off objects in the environment. This biological sonar, called "echolocation," is also used by dolphins to navigate murky waters.
09) Sharks
Never play hide-and-seek with a shark because you'll lose. Sharks have special cells in their brains that are sensitive to the electrical fields other creatures generate. This ability is so refined in some sharks that they can find fish hiding under sand by the weak electric signals their twitching muscles emit.
08) Snakes
Temperature-sensitive organs located between the eyes and nostrils of boas and pit vipers allow the snakes to sense the body heat of their prey. There is one located on each side of the snakes' head, so the animals can perceive depth and strike with deadly accuracy even in complete darkness.
07) Hummingbirds
The eyes of insects and birds are attuned to wavelengths of light outside the visible range that humans see in. Birds that appear drab to us are often radiant in colors we don't even have names for when seen in near-ultraviolet light. Telescopes like Hubble make ultraviolet images, which are colorized by technicians so we can enjoy them.
06) Cats
Cats have a mirror-like membrane in the backs of their eyes that lets them hunt and move in almost complete darkness. Called a "tapetum lucidum," the membrane reflects light after it has already traveled through the retina, giving the eyes another chance to nab the photons as they make their second trip.
05) Snakes
A snake flicking its forked tongue might look ominous to us, but it's just the animal sniffing its surroundings. A snakes use its tongues to collect particles wafting in the air. The coated tongue is then dipped into special pits in the roofs of the snake's mouth, called Jacobson's organs. There, the odors get processed and translated into electrical signals that are sent to the brain.
04) Moths
For moths, the term "love is in the air" is something to be taken literally. The furry insects can detect chemical love signals, called "pheromones," emitted by the opposite sex from up to seven-miles away. Some studies show humans also detect pheromones, but the effect seems to require close encounters.
03) Rats
Most rats have poor vision, but they make up for it with the "whiskers on their snouts. They use the long hairs, also called "vibrissae," in the same way that blind people use canes. By whisking the hairs across objects the come across, rats and other rodents form mental pictures of their surroundings.
02) Drum Fish
Some fish like this drum fish "hear" using their air bladders. The bladders detect sound vibrations and relay them to the inner ear via a set of bones in the middle ear called the "Weberian apparatus." Hair cells in the inner ear respond to the vibrations and transmit the sound information to the fish's brain.
01) Migratory Birds
Many birds, especially those that migrate, can use the "Earth's magnetic field to stay their course during long flights. Scientists still aren't sure how they do it, but one recent study suggests birds might have a form of synesthesia that lets them "see" the planet's magnetic lines as patterns of color or light that is overlaid on their visual surroundings. Humans must rely on familiar landmarks or the sun's position to locate North, and many can't even manage that.
Extra Reading
Monday, October 16, 2006
Game 001: Paths
I hope you get some sleep. God knows I did not ... I used up 25 lives and did not make it past level 4. Hey. If you do not know what I am talking about... Well thats why there is an 'Extra Reading' Section. For those of you who have not seen that section before... "for shame!" Thats where all the fun stuff happens.
Extra Reading
Sunday, October 15, 2006
If I had said that I would have been wrong.
NEIL ARMSTRONG'S famous quote "That's one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind" has become one of the best- known in history. For nearly four decades, it was claimed the first man on the moon FLUFFED his lines — because man and mankind mean the same thing. Armstrong was supposed to say: "That's one small step for a man..." But yesterday the space pioneer was cleared — thanks to new analysis of the historic 1969 recording. The findings show there is an acoustic wave where the "a" was meant to be — and it was simply not audible over the broadcast static.
Let us look back at some of the other famous phrases misquoted over the centuries.
"Not a lot of people know that" — Michael Caine. The actor never uttered that well-used catchphrase. The actual quote in the film Alfie was "Not many people know this."
"Elementary, my dear Watson" — Sherlock Holmes. Author Arthur Conan Doyle never wrote these words for his pipe-smoking detective. The quote actually appeared in a film review in the New York Times in 1929.
"Play it again, Sam" — Humphrey Bogart. In 1942 movie Casablanca, Bogart in fact says "If she can stand it, I can. Play it!" while actress Ingrid Bergman says "Play it, Sam. Play As Time Goes By."
"Let them eat cake" — Marie Antoinette. She actually said: "Let them eat bread."
"Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned" — William Congreve. This is a shortened version of the playwright's: "Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned, nor hell a fury like a woman scorned"
"You dirty rat" — James Cagney. Anyone impersonating the Hollywood legend uses this phrase, even though it was never uttered by Cagney in any movie.
"Alas, poor Yorick, I knew him well." — Hamlet. William Shakespeare's line actually reads: "Alas poor Yorick! I knew him, Horatio: a fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy."
"Me Tarzan, you Jane" — Tarzan. This phrase does not appear in any Tarzan film, nor in the book by Edgar Rice Burroughs.
"Spare the rod, spoil the child" — The Bible. The correct quote from Proverbs 13:24 is: "He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes."
"Religion is the opiate of the masses" — Karl Marx. The communist philosopher's full quote was: "Religion is the sigh of the oppressed creature, the heart of a heartless world and the soul of soulless conditions. It is the opium of the people."
"Do you feel lucky, punk?" — Clint Eastwood. As Harry Callahan in Dirty Harry. Clint's full line was: "I know what you're thinking, punk. You're thinking, 'Did he fire six shots or only five?' . . . But being as this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, and would blow your head clean off, you've got to ask yourself a question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya, punk?"
"Beam me up, Scotty" — Captain Kirk. The closest Star Trek's captain came to using this phrase was "Beam us up, Mr Scott."
Extra Reading
Saturday, October 7, 2006
Not Now...
fuck all that we got to get on with these
got to compete with the wily japanese
there's too many home fires burning
and not enough trees
so fuck all that
we've got to get on with these
cant stop. lose job. mind gone. silicon
what bomb. get away. pay day. make hay
break down. need fix. bix six
clickity click. hold on. oh no brrrrrring bingo!
make em laugh make em cry make em dance in the aisles
make em pay make em stay make em feel ok
not now
we've got to get on with the film show
hollywood waits at the end of the rainbow
who cares what it's about
as long as the kids go
not now
got to get on with the show
hang on
we've got to get on with this
i don't know what it is
but it fits on here like.....
come at the end of the shift
we'll go and get pissed
but not now
i've got to get on with this
hold on
i think there's something good on
i used to read books but.....
it could be the news
or some other abuse
or it could be reusable shows
fuck all that we've got to get on with these
got to compete with those wily japanese
no need to worry about the vietnamese
maybe the swedes
we showed argentina
now let's go and show these
make us feel tough
and wouldn't maggie be pleased
got to bring the russian bear to his knees
s'cusi dove il bar
se para collo pou eine toe bar
s'il vous plait ou est le bar
oi' where's the fucking bar john!
Extra Reading
Thursday, October 5, 2006
40 Things You'd Like to Say Out Loud at Work
01. "I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit."
02. "I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce."
03. "How about never? Is never good for you?"
04. "I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public."
05. "I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way."
06. "I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter."
07. "I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message."
08. "I don't work here. I'm a consultant."
09. "It sounds like English, but I can't understand a damn word you're saying."
10. "Ahhh...I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again."
11. "I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid."
12. "You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers."
13. "I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn."
14. "I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth."
15. "I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you."
16. "Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view."
17. "The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist."
18. "Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental."
19. "What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?"
20. "I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant."
21. "It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off."
22. "Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial."
23. "And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...?"
24. "Do I look like a people person?"
25. "This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent light ing."
26. "I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left."
27. "Sarcasm is just one more service we offer."
28. "If I throw a stick, will you leave?"
29. "Errors have been made. Others will be blamed."
30. "Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed."
31. "I'm trying to imagine you with a personality."
32. "A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door."
33. "Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?"
34. "Too many freaks, not enough circuses."
35. "Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?"
36. "Chaos, panic, and disorder - my work here is done."
37. "How do I set a laser printer to stun?"
38. "I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted a salary."
39. "Who lit the fuse on your tampon?"
40. "Oh I get it... like humour... but different!!!"
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