The Wackiest Technology Tales of 2008

"Despite the daily drum beat of new and improved hardware or software, the tech industry isn't all bits and bytes. Some interesting things happen along the way too. Like floating data centers, space geekonauts, shape shifting robots and weird bedfellows (like Microsoft and Jerry Seinfeld). What we include here is an example of what we thought were the best, slightly off-center stories of 2008."

Penguin Proposition 8

Gay penguins expelled from zoo colony for stealing eggs are given their own to look after following animal rights protest...

The best part is that they are probably the best parents of them all...

La vie en rose - Louis Armstrong

We can rebuild him...

It's Mario!!!

ǝʇısqǝʍ sıɥʇ ʇnoqɐ sɹɐǝɥ ɹǝʌo pɐǝɥ ɯɐ ı

flip...

Jokes...

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second orders half a beer. The third, a quarter of a beer. The bartender says "You're all idiots", and pours two beers....

explanation

Tidge? Or Brunnel?

Google Maps...

From Wikipedia:
Properly spelled with diacritics, the Øresund or Öresund Bridge is a combined two-track rail and four-lane road bridge across the Öresund strait. The bridge-tunnel is the longest combined road and rail bridge in Europe and connects the two metropolitan areas of the Öresund Region: the Danish capital of Copenhagen and the Swedish city of Malmö. The international European route E20 runs across the bridge and through the tunnel via the two lane motorway, as does the Öresund Railway Line. The bridge is the longest border crossing bridge in the world,[4] but due to the Schengen Agreement, there are no passport or customs controls.

Atheism Song -- the Hannukah Song, but for nonbelievers

A cool parody of Adam Sandler's Hannukah Song, reworked for lonely atheists in the holiday season:


So when you feel like the only kid in town, without a God-like idol,
Here’s a list of famous atheists, so you don’t feel sui-cidal:
Ben Franklin and Thomas Edison, the Fathers of Invention,
Also Sigmund Freud, who discovered anal retention

The Piano Man, Billy Joel, refused to join a sect
Now we know why Rodney Dangerfield, never got any respect

Angelina Jolie, astronomer Carl Sagan
Put them together– not a bad-looking pagan [Sagan was really agnostic]

You don’t need a bar- mitzvah, or even baptizm
Cause you can get blessed — by Richard Dawkins or Christopher Hitchens

Ninja Cat...

Banned from WalMart

This is why women should not take men shopping against their will.

Unfortunately, Mr. Fenton was like most men--he found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunately, Mrs. Fenton was like most women--she loved to browse. One day Mrs. Fenton received the following letter from her local Wal-Mart.

Dear Mrs. Fenton,
Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may be forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Fenton are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

01. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.

02 . July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

03. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

04. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in House wares. Get on it right away.'

05. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.

06. September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

07. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.

08. September 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

09. Oc tob er 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.

12. December 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.

13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

And last, but not least

15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!'

Regards,
Walmart

World famous landmarks replaced

Kill it With Fire!!!

Flash Game Week: Portal

Portal: The Flash Version includes over 40 challenging, portals thinking levels, and everything's included, in 2d - energy balls, cubes, turrets and even the famous crusher. The game also includes a console to mess around with after finishing the game, or just being frustrated by thinking with portals!

Flash Game Week: Vector Tower Defense

Vector Tower Defense is a strategy computer game. The goal is to try to stop enemies from crossing the map by building towers which shoot at them as they pass. each time you wipe out the enemies more enemies come but stronger. Use the money you earn to upgrade and buy more tires. Oh two words of advise... "Interest Income."

Flash Game Week: Winterbells

Winterbells is a simple game where you have to make the bunny hop from bell to bell. Higher and higher. Score double the points for jumping on a bird... make that little bunny reach outer space...

Flash Game Week: N

N probably stands for ninja in this addictive game. To be honest this is probably the most complicated game on this weeks list... and it drives me crazy that I can not get past level three. I can not sum up the controls on this game here but just use the in game help menu and you will be all set...

Flash Game Week: Grow Cube

Grow Cube is a fun game where you click panels in a selected order. Items you click will grow and grow with each turn. You will complete the game when all panels reach their max level. They effect each other as they grow. So you have to think about the clicking order.

Flash Game Week: Frogger

Frogger is a famous game on multiple platforms. This Flash Game is exactly like all frogger games. Take the frog safely to his home while weaving through traffic and traveling across the dangerous river with alligators and disappearing turtles. Use the arrow keys maneuver your frog across the board.

Flash Game Week: Bejeweled

Bejeweled is probably the most famous of all Flash Games. All you have to do is swap adjacent gems to align sets of three or more... Combos and cascades award extra points. Good luck...

Will It Blend? Week --- Modern Marvels

Will It Blend? Week --- Coke Can Smoothie...

Will It Blend? Week --- Rubik's Cube

Will It Blend? Week --- Chuck Norris

Will It Blend? Week --- Bic Lighters

Will It Blend? Week --- Light Sticks

Will It Blend? Week --- iPhone

Infinity bookcase

Bruce Lee plays ping pong with nunchuck

Tits and Fire...

Bono is Evil...

Bono, lead singer of the rock band U2, is famous throughout the entertainment industry for being more than just a little self-righteous. At a recent U2 concert in Dublin, Ireland he asked the audience for total quiet.

Then, in the silence, he started to slowly clap his hands, once every few seconds. Holding the audience in total silence, he said into the microphone,

'Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies.'

A voice with a broad Irish accent from the front of the crowd pierced the quiet...

'Well, foockin stop doin it then, ya evil bastard !'

Life in the 1500's

The next time you are washing your hands and complain because the water temperature isn't just how you like it, think about how things used to be. Here are some facts about the 1500s:

Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May, and still smelled pretty good by June. However, they were starting to smell, so brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor. Hence the custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting married.

Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, the n all the other sons and men, then the women and finally the children. Last of all the babies. By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it. Hence the saying, Don't throw the baby out with the Bath water..

Houses had thatched roofs-thick straw-piled high, with no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof. When it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof. Hence the saying It's raining cats and dogs.

There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house. This posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and other droppings could mess up your nice clean bed. Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection. That's how canopy beds came into existence.

The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had some thing other than dirt. Hence the saying, Dirt poor. The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in the winter when wet, so they spread thresh (straw) on floor to help keep their footing. As the winter wore on, they added more thresh until, when you opened the door, it would all start slipping outside. A piece of wood was placed in the entranceway. Hence the saying a thresh hold.

In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the fire. Every day they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight and then start over the next day. Sometimes stew had food in it that had been there for quite a while. Hence the rhyme, Peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old..

Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made th em feel quite special. When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off. It was a sign of wealth that a man could, bring home the bacon. They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around and chew the fat..

Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing lead poisoning death. This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous.

Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or the upper crust.

Lead cups were used to drink ale or whisky. The combination would sometimes knock a person out for a couple of days. Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up. Hence the custom of holding a wake.

England is old and small and the local folks started running out of places to bury people. So they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a bone-house, and reuse the grave. When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realized they had been burying people alive. So they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the graveyard shift.) to listen for the bell; thus, someone could be, saved by the bell or was considered a ...dead ringer..

How To Tell If Your Cat Is Plotting To Kill You

Fan-smegging-Tastic

Culinary Ambush

Peter Frampton eat your heart out

Transporter 3

And who wouldn't want to see a movie with such originality behind it...

And while we are at it... Is Jason Statham such a hot guy that the movie directors have him taking of his shirt every five minutes...
Fight -- take of your shirt...
Lunch -- take of your shirt...
Drink Orangina -- take of your shirt...

New Way To Input Text On Touchscreens

Peace Keeping Chickens....

Kids in the Hall: Wymyn

No seriously... this is what guys talk about on poker night...

Volturi... Are you F-ing Serious..

The Ocarina of iPhone?

from MAKE Magazine by Collin Cunningham: The Ocarina synthesizes sound in real-time, just like a regular instrument, based on actual gestures including wind input, tilt, and finger placement over the four holes overlaid on the multi-touch pad. Unlike other iPhone audio apps, the sound is not pre-compiled but is generated by the notes, gestures and nuance of the individual performer. As a result, it allows an iPhone user to explore and master the musical sounds of an entirely iPhone-native version of an ancient flute-like instrument.

Voltron: Defender of the Universe!

The Matrix In Windows

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Papercraft Cube of rotating gears

Papercraft heart of rotating gears

Inprov Week: MP3 Experiment

The Mp3 was a mixture of music and instructions from a voice. Audience members downloaded the Mp3 in advance, transferred it to their portable Mp3 players (or burned it to a disc for their portable CD players), and brought it with them to the park. Audience members were told not to listen to the track in advance. Then the people did what the mp3 told them to do...





Extra Reading

Inprov Week: Suicide Jumper

A few weeks ago while walking down 31st Street near 8th Avenue someone noticed a four-foot tall ledge protruding from a seemingly abandoned building. The next logical step was to stage an Improv Everywhere Mission with a suicide jumper on the absurdly small ledge. At around 3:30 in the afternoon, a somber man crawled up the far side of the ledge at the edge of the building and began carefully inching his way towards the center.




Extra Reading

Inprov Week: Cell Phone Symphony

The Strand book store in NYC. Well there is bag check... As you can imagine, with all those bags and coats and things, people leave their cell phones with the guy. Occasionally they go off. Get a group of people, thirty or so, who all come into the shop and check their bags with their phones in ‘em. At some later point, every single phone checked into the bag check starts to ring at the same time. It’d be bedlam.




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Inprov Week: Meet a Black Person

Just down the stairs from where the skiers finished their trek, they found an abandoned beverage kiosk. Agent Dunn set up shop and offered Aspen residents a much-needed service. Aspen is 0.44% Black, so Improv Everywhere figured we’d give everyone a chance to meet and greet with a real live black person. As skiers exited the mountain, Agent Dunn shouted, “What’s up everyone, I’m a black person.”




Extra Reading

Inprov Week: Frozen Grand Central

On a cold Saturday in New York City, the world’s largest train station came to a sudden halt. Over 200 Improv Everywhere Agents froze in place at the exact same second for five minutes in the Main Concourse of Grand Central Station. Over 500,000 people rush through Grand Central every day, but today, things slowed down just a bit as commuters and tourists alike stopped to notice what was happening around them. Enjoy the video first and then go behind the scenes with our mission report and photos.




Extra Reading

Inprov Week: Human Mirror

A filled subway car with identical twins, creating a human mirror. Enjoy the video first and then see below for the report with tons of photos.




Extra Reading

Inprov Week: Food Court Musical

16 agents staged a spontaneous musical in the food court of a Los Angeles shopping mall. They used wireless microphones to amplify the vocal performances and mix them together with the music through the mall’s PA system. They filmed the mission with hidden cameras, mostly behind two-way mirrors. Apart from they performers, no one in the food court was aware of what was happening. Enjoy the video first and then go behind the scenes with our report below.




Extra Reading

2nd Semester of Spanish - Love Song

One Semester of Spanish - Love Song

Around View Monitor

Where will you rank?

Election Day is here!!!!!

Election Day Week: Indecision 2008 Part 5

Election Day Week: Indecision 2008 Part 4

Palin Thinks New Hampshire is in the Northwest--- And is Booed

Election Day Week: Indecision 2008 Part 3

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, 'What is Politics?' Dad says, 'Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I am the head of the family, so call me The President. Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government. We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the People. The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we will call him the Future. Now think about that and see if it makes sense.' So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parent's room and finds his mother asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, 'Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now. 'The father says, 'good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about. 'The little boy replies, 'The President is screwing the Working Class while the Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit.'

Halloween Quiz...

Can you identify the candybar by looking at the cross section?
Make a guess and click on the cross section to find the answer.


CLICK HERE!!!

Election Day Week: Indecision 2008 Part 2

Diebold Accidentally Leaks Results Of 2008 Election Early

Election Day Week: Indecision 2008 Part 1

"Dennis you voted against the Patriot Act" ...."Thats because I read it"

Election Day Week: Michael Palin for President

50 seconds, 50 impressions

Creepiest Vegetables on Earth

More...

99 Red Balloons Parody

Jugs and orbs and darts and gourds
Elmer Fudds and bouncing Buddhas
Sweater stretchers, lung protectors
Beach umbrellas, frost detectors
Scooby Snacks and snake-eyes dice
Jell-o molds and high-beam lights
Every day I probably use
99 words for boobs

Humpty Dumplings, Hardy Boys
Double lattes, Ode to Joys
Hooters, shooters, physics tutors
Bobbsey Twins and bald commuters
Double-WMD's
MRE's and PFD's
Snow-white dwarfs, Picasso cubes
99 words for boobs

Gerber servers, holy grails
Whoopee cushions, humpback whales
Flying saucers, traffic stoppers
Super Big Gulps, Double Whoppers
Pillows, billows, Don DeLillos
Soft-serve cones and armadillos
Pimped-out hubcaps, inner tubes
99 words for boobs

Midget earmuffs, warming globes
Strobes and probes and frontal lobes
Knockers, honkers, knicker bonkers
Smurfs and Screaming Yellow Zonkers
Tannin' cannons, Mister Bigs
Big bad wolves and Porky Pigs
Jogging partners, saline noobs
99 words for boobs

Two-point jumpers, Bambi's Thumpers
Rubber baby buggy bumpers
Rutabagas, Chi Omegas
Schwag the showgirls show in Vegas
Congo bongos, bowling pins
Fast-pitch softballs, siamese twins
Your claims I'm breast-obsessed are true
We're quite a pair 'cause I'm a boob too

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Marios Mistake

Life Leason: Women Trying to be Cool...

Five fashion items that women think make them look cool but really don't. Big sunglasses suspiciously ab- oh wait, there they are at #4

Life Leason: Everyone Trying to be Cool...

Ten items that you think make you look cool but really don't. Bluetooth headsets suspiciously ab- oh wait, there it is at #8

E = MC... What!!!

XKCD: A webcomic of romance...

Coolest bench ever!!!!

Best South Park License Plate Ever

Mac or PC...

Thats how I roll...

Why you should get FireFox

This new catfood tastes like crap

A Missile on Google Maps...

AWESOME!!!!

Learn to write like an architect

The NeverEnding Story: Finale

Not very Punny is it?

Game Genie to unlock her hidden secrets
I'd tap the start and select.
Now all she needs is a my zapper…
Now where is the start button?
Once you insert your memory card, you can button-mash, all night.
Push her Buttons…
She can blow on my cartridge any day…
She can handle my joystick any day!
She prefers analog to digital stimulation.
That controller is gonna need both hands.
Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, B, A... Oh god yes!
Well, allow me to slip on my power glove...
What does the box look like
What?? Only two buttons? I need at least a Z at the back!
what's the esrb rating on that? (Now that I think about it… They are all pretty dirty)
Where do you plug the cable into her RCA jack & her coaxial port?
Wii version might be a tad cumbersome.

Pi Shaped Crop Circle

PETA wants Lowe's to stop selling glue traps.

PETA wants Lowe's to stop selling glue traps. So, what do they do? Put a hittable young lady in a bikini and mouse ears and lay her on the ground. PETA protest always seem to work...

Click on the picture for the article

Getting to know you Questions

You know that point in the relationship where you are talking to the other person a lot. You spend hours and hours on the phone and you don't care. You will spend every free minute that you have on the phone.

You end up with a $100.00 bill for just the text messages that you sent. Thats write I sent over 1000 text messages one month. I read some where that some kid had been clinically diagnosed with having a txt msg addiction because he sent over 700 messages in one month. That kid does not know the meaning of addiction.


Wow what can I say. Well anyway back to conversations.


Well when you are trying to get to know the other person you will undoubtlay ask a lot of questions. It can be a fun way on how to know each other. The only problem is... What kind of questions to ask. So this is the game that I think would be a lot of fun when trying to know someone... Here are the rules...

01. Question can not be a "yes or no" or an "either/or" question.
02. Question should open ended in order to stimulate conversation.
03. No copying the question. ie. “Same question to you.”
-- Note this does not mean that the questioner can not answer their own question after the answer was given but that does not count as a new question being asked.
04. A question shall not be repeated unless the person being asked does not remember their previous answer.
05. Questions must be made in an attempt to learn more about the person in question so do not ask what happened in yesterdays episode of "Will and Grace" or the weather.
06. The asking of questions should go back and forth, so that the last person to answer should be the next person asking regardless of a temporary break in conversation. ie. Sleep.
07. A question is a question and your question can not be substituted for something else.

Where My Heart Will Take Me

It's been a long road.
Getting from there to here

It's been a long time
But my time is finally near.

And I can feel the change in the wind right now. Nothing's in my way.
And they're not gonna hold me down no more, no they're not gonna hold me down.

Cause I've got faith of the heart

I'm going where my heart will take me.
I've got faith to believe. I can do anything.
I've got strength of the soul.
And no one's gonna bend or break me...
I can reach any star. I've got faith, faith of the heart.

I've known the wind so cold, I've seen the darkest days.
But now the winds I feel, are only winds of change.
I've been through the fire and I've been through the rain.
But I'll be fine ...
Cause I've got faith of the heart.

It's been a long night
Trying to find my way.
Been through the darkness. Now I finally have my day.
And I will see my dream come alive at last. I will touch the sky.
And they're not gonna hold me down no more, no they're not gonna change my mind.

Concerned about carbs in your diet

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION:
Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.


Extra Reading

So you have a box.

From the context of the quote, there must be a displacement of locality which is different than the final result of the quote. If you were already outside of the box than you would only need to "Think!" Thus one must be inside the box at the initial state of the quote.

If you are inside of the box, then you must get out of the box to think "outside the box". To get out of the box must take a movement or disposition of one's self from within the box to the outer space of the box. To procure a method to get out of the box, you must first know what is the "the box". You will need to observe "the box" and dedicate thought about how to get out of "the box". Thus with your current disposition you must "think" inside "the box" about "the box" to get "outside the box".

One would have to build a definition of what is "the box". A box by definition would be a geometric shape of of 6 sides. It is most definitely not an "easy" task to get out of "the box" thus one can presume that simple actions of traveling in one direction could not help you exit "the box". We can then assume "the box" has an internal space, or region, of infinite distance. As one approaches the wall there will ultimately always be some distance epsilon which is great-than zero and of which limit is equal to zero.

No matter which direction in space one travels within "the box" there will always be some epsilon distance which differentiates between "in the box" and "outside the box".

We define "in" to be some metric distance within the bounds of epsilon from either edge, or border, region within the space of "the box".

We define "out" to be some metric distance beyond the bounds of the edge or border, region mutually exclusive to the space of "the box".

Thus we may mark "the universe" minus "the box" as "outside the box".

We have now defined two regions "the universe" and "the box". We can easily "think" in "the universe" as "the universe" is a super-set or group of "the box".

By topology, we may think of "the box" as a inner-region, or bubble, of the outer-region, "the universe", Thus it is possible to "think in the universe" but it is impossible to "think outside the box".

Let us define "the metaverse" as "the universe" minus "the box".

"Think outside the metaverse" is easily accomplished as we can state this as true.

We can now:

"Think inside the unverse!"
"Think outside the metaverse!"

but not

"Think outside the box!"

As we know "the metaverse" is a spacial region, as is "the box is a spacial region. As through topology we can change any spacially solid region into any other spacially solid region and perserve their fundimentality.

Let us change "the Metaverse" to be equal the same space and equvialent of "the box", such that "the universe" is composed of who "box like spaces" that make up the entire spacial region, "the universe".

We now can "think" "outside" of "a" "box" and figurativily speaking "think outside the box".

Q.E.D.


Extra Reading

The Dark Bailout

Joker/Riddler 08'

Simple Math

These equations should be taught in all math classes! From a strictly mathematical viewpoint it goes like this:

What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:

If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M
N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

is represented as:
01 02 03 04 05 06 07 08 09 10 11 12 13
14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26


Then:
H A R D W O R K
08+01+18+04+23+15+18+11 = 98%

And,
K N O W L E D G E
11+14+15+23+12+05+04+07+05 = 96%

But,
A T T I T U D E
01+20+20+09+20+21+04+05 = 100%

And,
B U L L S H I T
02+21+12+12+19+08+09+20 = 103%

AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.
A S S K I S S I N G
01+19+19 + 11+09+19+19+09+14+07 = 127%

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that while Hard Work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's the Bullshit and Ass Kissing that will put you over the top!

Don't Vote!!!

If you want to send this to people... There is a little envelope icon at the bottom of this post... Put some emails on there... Make it happen...

Sexual Calorie Counter

It has been known for many years that sex is good exercise, but until recently nobody had made a scientific study of the caloric expenditure of different sexual activities. Well I found an artigle that breaks it down for everyone...

Removing Her Clothes:
With her consent .................. 12 Calories
Without her consent ............... 187 Calories

Opening Her Bra:
With both hands ................... 8 Calories
With one hand ..................... 12 Calories
With your teeth ................... 85 Calories

Putting On A Condom:
With An Erection ................. 6 Calories
Without An Erection .............. 315 Calories

Preliminaries:
Trying to find the clitoris ....... 8 Calories
Trying to find the G-Spot ......... 92 Calories

Positions:
Missionary ........................ 12 Calories
69 lying down ..................... 78 Calories
69 standing up .................... 112 Calories
Wheelbarrow ....................... 216 Calories
Doggy Style ....................... 326 Calories
Italian chandelier ................ 912 Calories

Orgasmic:
Real .............................. 112 Calories
False ............................. 315 Calories

Post Orgasm:
Lying in bed hugging .............. 18 Calories
Getting up immediately ............ 36 Calories
Explaining why you did ............ 816 Calories

Getting A Second Erection: If you are:

20-29 years old ................... 36 Calories
30-39 years old ................... 80 Calories
40-49 years old ................... 124 Calories
50-59 years old ................... 972 Calories
60-69 years old ................... 2916 Calories
70 and over ............... Results still pending

Dressing Up Afterwards:
Calmly ............................ 32 Calories
In a hurry ........................ 98 Calories
With your girlfriend knocking ..... 2419 Calories
With her husband knocking ......... 3924 Calories

The Word!!!

01. AGLET - The plain or ornamental covering on the end of a shoelace.
02. ARMSAYE - The armhole in clothing.
03. CHANKING - Spat-out food, such as rinds or pits.
04. COLUMELLA NASI - The bottom part of the nose between the nostrils.
05. DRAGÉES - Small beadlike pieces of candy, usually silver-coloured, used for decorating cookies, cakes and sundaes.
06. FEAT - A dangling curl of hair.
07. FERRULE - The metal band on a pencil that holds the eraser in place.
08. HARP - The small metal hoop that supports a lampshade.
09. HEMIDEMISEMIQUAVER - A 64th note. (A 32nd is a demisemiquaver, and a 16th note is a semiquaver.)
10. JARNS,
11. NITTLES,
12. GRAWLIX,
13. and QUIMP - Various squiggles used to denote cussing in comic books.
14. KEEPER - The loop on a belt that keeps the end in place after it has passed through the buckle.
15. KICK or PUNT - The indentation at the bottom of some wine bottles. It gives added strength to the bottle but lessens its holding capacity.
16. LIRIPIPE - The long tail on a graduate's academic hood.
17. MINIMUS - The little finger or toe.
18. NEF - An ornamental stand in the shape of a ship.
19. OBDORMITION - The numbness caused by pressure on a nerve; when a limb is 'asleep'.
20. OCTOTHORPE - The symbol '#' on a telephone handset. Bell Labs' engineer Don Macpherson created the word in the 1960s by combining octo-, as in eight, with the name of one of his favourite athletes, 1912 Olympic decathlon champion Jim Thorpe.
21. OPHRYON - The space between the eyebrows on a line with the top of the eye sockets.
22. PEEN - The end of a hammer head opposite the striking face.
23. PHOSPHENES - The lights you see when you close your eyes hard. Technically the luminous impressions are due to the excitation of the retina caused by pressure on the eyeball.
24. PURLICUE - The space between the thumb and extended forefinger.
25. RASCETA - Creases on the inside of the wrist.
26. ROWEL - The revolving star on the back of a cowboy's spurs.
27. SADDLE - The rounded part on the top of a matchbook.
28. SCROOP - The rustle of silk.
29. SNORKEL BOX - A mailbox with a protruding receiver to allow people to deposit mail without leaving their cars.
30. SPRAINTS - Otter dung.
31. TANG - The projecting prong on a tool or instrument.
32. WAMBLE - Stomach rumbling.
33. ZARF - A holder for a handleless coffee cup.


Extra Reading

The Mood on Wall Street

Extra Reading

Can You Make The Ball Change Colors?

This will drive you crazy! But, let's see how good you are!
When you open this web page, the ball will be dangling from your cursor.
Move the cursor and the ball also moves.
Flip the ball around and see if you can click on it.
If

you do, the ball will change color!

GAME!!!!

Guts vs Balls

There is a medical distinction. We've all heard about people having guts or balls, but do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, and to alleviate further confusion, the following definitions are listed below:

GUTS - Is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: 'Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?'

BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt and having the balls to say: 'You're next, Chubby.'

I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions. Medically speaking, there is no difference in the outcome, since both ultimately result in divorce or death.

PHD Comics...

Caring for Your Introvert

Do you know someone who needs hours alone every day? Who loves quiet conversations about feelings or ideas, and can give a dynamite presentation to a big audience, but seems awkward in groups and maladroit at small talk? Who has to be dragged to parties and then needs the rest of the day to recuperate? Who growls or scowls or grunts or winces when accosted with pleasantries by people who are just trying to be nice?

Click here to finish reading the article....

Who says cops don't have a sense of humor?

The following were taken off of actual police car videos around the country:

"Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."

"Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."

"If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

"Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? In case you didn't know, that is the average speed of a 9 mm bullet fired from my gun."

"So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"

"Yes, Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh ... did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"

"Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

"The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

"Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey poop."

"Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

"In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."

"Just how big were those two beers?"

"No sir we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."

"I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail."

"You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."

Save Ferris, What if Ferris Was Really Sick?

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Extreme Grocery Shopping!

Awesome Ways to Grocery Shop - Watch more free videos

The Real Story Behind ‘Toy Story’?

Evolution vs Creationism - Presented By Bill Maher

LEGO CHAOS bot

Lets Offend Someone

A pregnant Cuban lady is involved in a car accident in Toronto and falls into a deep coma. Asleep for nearly six months, she wakes up and sees that she is no longer pregnant and frantically asks the doctor about her baby. The doctor replies, "Ma'am, you had twins! A boy and a girl. The babies are fine. Your brother from Hialeah flew in and named them."The woman thinks to herself, "Oh no, not my brother...he's an idiot!" Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor, "Well, what's the girl's name?"

"Denise," the doctor says. The new mother thinks, "Wow, that's not a bad name at all, guess I was wrong about my brother. I like Denise!" Then she asks the doctor, "What's the boy's name?" The doctor replies, "Denephew".

Let's Offend Everyone!!!

Q. What's the Cuban National Anthem?
A. Row, Row, Row Your Boat

Q. Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A. A different bar

Q. What did the Chinese couple name their handicapped baby?
A. Sum Ting Wong

Q. What do you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A. A speech impediment

Q. What does it mean when the Post Office's flag is flying at half-mast?
A. They're hiring

Q. Why aren't there any Puerto Ricans on Star Trek?
A. Because they're not going to work in the future either.

Q. What do you call a Mississippi farmer with a sheep under each arm?
A. A pimp.

Q. Why do Driver Education classes in redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
A. Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.

Q. What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A. The southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with a recipe.

Q How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the & F' word?
A. Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell 'BINGO!'

Q. What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale???
A. A northern fairytale begins, 'Once upon a time...' and a southern fairy tale begins, 'Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit.'!

Q. Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team?
A. Because all the Mexicans who can run, jump or swim are already in the United States.

Incredible Tree-Climbing Goats

Spider-Man: Symbiote-infected Wolverine

If Fonts Were People

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

How Not To Use The Drive Through ATM

Pole Dancing Instructional Video

Stripper Fail

17 dominoes balanced on 1

Monty Python: Sit on My Face, Live

Super Mario explains parallel universes

Parkour Football Moves

Positive proof of global warming!

The Panda from Apocalypse Now

If you aren't watching the Olympics...

Romanian gold medalist Sandra Izbasa

Woah. Neo's Passport Expired on 9/11/2001

Rock Lobster!!!!

Modern Iwo Jima

Superman Has a Problem With Kinky Sex

R.I.P. Don LaFontaine

Batman's Next Tumbler?

How Glasses Can Change A Person

Batman's Tumbler as an Autobot

And then, the search party disappeared too.

Nature Has a Message for Us

Oh the Irony!!!

Magic: The Gathering Ref. Number 080826-000447

Hello,
First of I like your new site design... But there is a slight problem... On the old site when you clicked on the "Printer Friendly" format there was a link on the top left that said "Show Card Images." There is no such link on the new version on the site. Maybe I am just missing it.

Ok second problem... This was not a real problem until I was emailing you about the first problem. Why are you making people register just to send you an email... Just emailing you with a valid email address should be good enough... I was almost tempted not to email you guys because I hate registering for something that I do not plan on using again...

Listen if I got something cool for registering then I might really like it... But some how I doubt that I will... You know if I could store my deck lists online... If I could set up trades with people on the site... A sort of... “I have these cards to trade and this is what I am looking for”... Or better yet have the option to store your entire Magic collection online... I am sure not very many people would used that option because they have so many cards but the option would be useful... Your website should be more than just a place to look at articles or use gatherer... In the world of Web 2.0 your site should have more interactivity with its users. I am sorry but "forums" just is not enough... Not in a world of wikis, and digg.

Last problem... Sorry if this is a list of complaints... I swear I really like your new site... And I really do like Magic... Ok last thing. Your new site is is a big bandwidth hog there should be a low bandwidth option... Or at the very least there should be an option to skip the intro and go right to the main page... I know there is one at the bottom of the page but one should not have to scroll down to reach it... Guaranteed that most people go to your site to go to the main page... My suggestion is one link on the top left hand corner of your page...

Ok that is all I got... I want to say thank you for all your hard work and keep up the good job...

But you'll call me right?

Oops, All Gone!

Boat Load of Pictures

...Here is a another version of the boatload series of blog posts... I have so many pictures that I have to try to get them out in some kind of order... There is so much to show everyone but not enough time...

Disk...
..."Hello dear, I found the disk you were frantically looking for yesturday..." For those who did not notice she put the disk up against the mirror by magnate...


American Flag
...A great MasterCard credit card Advertizement. American flag: $25, Gasoline: $2, Cigarette: $2.50, Catching yourself on fire because you are terrorist ---> Priceless.


Airport Security
...We are spending billions of dollars in an attempt to protect everyone from evils in airports but we can not protect people from the horrors of Windows...


You Rock...
...This is from my friend's blog... I thought it was pretty damn funny so I wanted to show it here... This is one of those pictures that you see emailed over and over again...


How far we've come
...Old and busted... The Newton. New Hotness... the iphone. The Newton was out for six years but it never became to popular because of it's high price. Well now the iphone has come and we have come full circle.



The MacGyver Multitool
...Don't laugh, this is serious stuff. Just last week Richard Dean Anderson had to use a MacGyver multitool to rewire the ignition of the single-prop plane that delivered us all safely out of a Bolivian hostage situation.


Best windows tatoo
...My IT department should get this tattoed and then be forced to look at it for 37 days so they can understand the pain that everyone feels while they use their hardware...


Guess who did not go to Iraq
...This is the ultimate sacrifice made by anyone... And that should be respected. That is the legacy that this adminstration is leaving behind.


Where the Wild Thigns Are...
...Am I the only person who is really excited about this... I loved this book. I read it like a bajillion times when I was a kid and now they are going to make it into a movie... All right... On day I will wear this one day for Halloween... thats after I go as Jack the Pumkin King... lol...



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