Please... I don't want to hurt anymore...

Some day...
You'll forgive me for being so cold,
and you'll forgive me for missing me so.
You'll forgive me for the loud racing of your heart,
and you'll forgive me for not hearing it.
You'll forgive me for not respecting you enough,
and you'll forgive me for loving you too much.
You'll forgive me for toying with you emotions,
and you'll forgive me for playing stupid games.
You'll forgive me for finding you so attractive,
and you'll forgive me for not noticing.
You'll forgive me for raising you up so high,
and you'll forgive me for bringing you down so low.
You'll forgive me for wanting to be with you,
and you'll forgive me for avoiding you.
You'll forgive me for not writing to you,
and you'll forgive me for the times I read.
You'll forgive me for being so self destructive,
and you'll forgive me for not seeking help for it.
You'll forgive me for not being able to restrain,
and you'll forgive me for never letting go.
You'll forgive me for giving hopes and dreams,
and you'll forgive me for crushing them.
You'll forgive me for entering your life,
and you'll forgive me for leaving it abruptly.
Some day... you'll forgive me for saying goodbye...


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Wasted Youth... Fuck Authority...

The other day I try to inform one of the customers that she should not fill out a ticket the way she was doing... She would put the dollar amount in numbers in the ticket but in the cents area she put 'X's... Now let me make this clear for those who think they are hanging out with Marcus Aurelius 'X' is not a number and if it was that would mean 20 cents... You have no idea how many times someone complains because they wrote a check and they charged their account 44 cents instead of no cents because they put 'X's... The system looks at them and thinks they are '4's. And how wonderful it is to take 20 minutes out of your day just to return '44' cents... So anyway I informed this customer that she should alter the way that she fills out her deposit ticket so there is not a mistake during processing. What does she do... She flat-out refuses to change... She says that she has been filling out her tickets like that for the last 30 years and that she is not going to change... Apparently she did not realize that there have been changes and/or improvements in banking technology since she started... You know like computers... Calculators... The Abacus...

My other instance is this other customer calls and she tells me that she wants to close her account but she was in Florida. Apparently Florida is where old people migrate to die. So I told her that I needed written authorization before I could close her account. All she would have to do is write a letter and I would close the account and then mail her the check. Well she proceeds to tell me that she does not want to write a letter and that she should not have to since she is old... Old people should not have to write letters. I just could not do anything so I put the lady on hold and this lady from the branch picks up... All I hear is: "He can not close the account with out written authorization" "Well I am a senior citizen too." Im telling you, people think they can get away with this crap because they are old... but they seem to always complain about Americas youth... We are doing things that they could never have dreamed of.

There just seems to be a sort of negative look on the young by old people. I remember when I was a kid and my parents bought a camcorder. Well I was using it and them mothers dad (yeah I phrased it like that for a reason) was yelling at me because I was too young to be handling such an expensive piece of equipment... Dude!!! I was the only one who knew how to operate the damn thing... Finally I told him that according to his theory of age/price of equipment ratio he would be the only person in the house to use the $2500.00 computer I had in my room. And since he did not even know to turn the damn thing on he shouldn't even talk about it.

They say that youth is wasted on the young... What ever... They other day my friend and I were going to get some sushi. While we are going to the restaurant we see this old lady trying to park her convertible Toyota Solara. The top was down so its not like she should have had problems parking. But she did. She had two car lengths to park... she could not make in in those conditions. I swear they should have a special license for bad drivers like that. Class S for Suck-Ass. Yeah that's right. I stood there and watched her try to park. Finally when she hit the curb for the third time I was too disgusted. As I walked away I said, loud enough so she would hear, "You know how they say youth is wasted on he young? Well nice cars are wasted on old people!"

Why are old people always complaining about young people and how good we have it... Oh yeah they had it bad... Well let me tell you... I don't care that you had to walk to school barefooted, in the snow, carrying your books, up a hill, both ways... I am so tired of this age discrimination crap... You guys are just angry that we got color TV. Screw you AARP. Well if you people had it so bad then how come everything we enjoy is exploited beyond our control by greedy old people... How come we are not going to get any social security? How come we don't have an ozone layer?


Extra Reading

Lonely woman

A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected:

A half-gallon of 2% milk,
A carton of eggs,
A quart of orange juice,
A head of romaine lettuce,
A 2 lb. can of coffee,
A 1 lb. package of bacon.

As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier.

While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single."

The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status.

Curiosity getting the better of her, she said "Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on Earth did you know that?"

The drunk replied, "Cause you're ugly."


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Regrets

Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetuer adipiscing elit. Quisque aliquam aliquet massa. Class aptent taciti sociosqu ad litora torquent per conubia nostra, per inceptos hymenaeos. Praesent quis tellus. Maecenas molestie pulvinar ligula. Vivamus in I nisl sit amet sapien molestie fermentum. Nulla facilisi. Praesent convallis nibh eget tortor. Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetuer adipiscing elit. Proin faucibus mollis nulla. Aliquam sed est at leo feugiat ultrices. Suspendisse orci purus, viverra eu, ultricies at, tempor quis, nisl. Ut quis nulla non enim suscipit suscipit. Sed nec dolor. Donec euismod scelerisque enim. Nam quis neque ac AM donec nisl. Aliquam ut magna. Mauris vel risus. Etiam fringilla velit id neque. Donec bibendum bibendum lacus. Sed placerat urna et ante. Proin aliquam convallis pede. In condimentum, turpis at Integer purus SORRY leo, eleifend non, viverra eget, aliquam vitae, tellus. Mauris ut metus. Nullam nisl lectus, convallis ac, laoreet sed, placerat ut, libero. Nunc dapibus blandit ligula. Vivamus eget nibh. Pellentesque erat. In commodo tellus nec ipsum. Donec a nunc. Vestibulum ante ipsum primis in faucibus orci I luctus et ultrices posuere cubilia Curae; Quisque condimentum lorem iaculis nibh consectetuer hendrerit. Nunc interdum rutrum lacus. Donec dapibus eleifend leo. Phasellus lectus. Cras at Duis nisi. Vestibulum tincidunt cursus nisl. Proin faucibus neque vel mauris. Suspendisse laoreet porta eros. Donec turpis. Nunc ac arcu sit amet tortor commodo mollis. Suspendisse molestie. Nunc NEVER semper. Nulla vel mi. Ut facilisis. In purus. Aenean magna. Donec vitae velit ac nunc rutrum auctor. Duis erat lorem, sodales nec, ultrices vel, eleifend ut, nibh. Nullam odio justo, posuere sit amet, tristique eget, semper eget, turpis. Aenean non leo. augue posuere pharetra. fermentum fringilla, diam arcu bibendum urna, vitae viverra velit massa sed enim. Mauris dignissim tristique WROTE tortor. Etiam quis eros. Vestibulum vitae libero. In hac habitasse platea dictumst. Donec quis nibh nec est sodales accumsan. lectus nec pede cursus pulvinar. Donec quis leo. Pellentesque habitant YOU morbi tristique senectus et netus et malesuada fames ac turpis egestas. Duis aliquam lectus tincidunt quam. Fusce turpis sem, imperdiet in, facilisis sed, hendrerit eget, magna. In tincidunt massa at erat. Donec eu purus a leo auctor tincidunt. Mauris fermentum enim in ipsum. Praesent odio velit, commodo sit amet, condimentum vel, vehicula nec, turpis. Cum sociis natoque penatibus et magnis POETRY dis parturient montes, nascetur ridiculus mus. Nulla facilisi.

Around the Water Cooler

So there are so many great shows out there for people to watch... But the only one that I bother watching while it is still airing is "24" So if you know me you know not to call me on Mondays between 9:00pm and 10:00pm.

The reason why this show has moved into the only show that I will actively watch is because it really is a great show. The whole concept of the show is amazing. For every hour in the show is an hour in real life. That just creates some great concepts and unique problems in story telling. Just watching the show has taught me how to be a better writer. Not to mention that I admire all the sacrifices that Keifer Sutherland's character, Jack Bauer, as to give. Yes I know that these sacrifices are not real but if one suspends disbelief and immerse yourself in the world then you too would be amazed at that the character has had to endure.

That said the enjoyment of the TV show is for me alone. I go to my friends house every Monday to watch "24." We do not talk about the show before it starts. Nor do we talk about the show when the show is over. I just have no desire to talk about the show.

I don't want to have one of those water cooler conversations where everyone talks about the some stupid show that they just watched. Last time I tried doing this I tried putting a small twist on it. Everyone was talking about the "The Sopranos" and I said, "Hey you know I just finished? 'Portrait of the Artists as a Young Man'" Every one looked at me funny. They only reason why I could figure that no one knew what I was talking about was because everyone else was illiterate or just a math major.

The other day I was sitting in the lunch room. I was close to the water cooler so it could technically count as a water cooler conversation. Well I am sitting there and this lady come up to me and asks me if I had watched "24" the night before. AHHH!!! So I just took the high ground on this conversation... I lied and I told her that I had not watched it. So she proceeds to tell me what happened in the show. She emphasizes the screaming and the yelling in the show. For those who are wondering... For me lying that I just stopped watching the show WAS taking the high road... I could elaborated and I could have told I no longer watched the show because it reminds me too much of my parents. There was a time when I was young and my parents tortured me with sodium pentothal because I would not eat my supper.

I am sorry I just can not like anything that is that popular. There comes a point in someones life that they realized that they can not talk to anyone because they had not watched the show that everyone else had seen. Not because they were too busy or they were asleep but because they did not like it. Then with everyone watching the show they turn around and watch it because they want to be on the conversation. Believe me, I know. I was nine years old when I first started to feel this pressure because my parents did not go to as many movies as everyone else. Yeah after a year or two of that feeling of inadequacy I just gave up and stopped caring about what everyone else was watching. Thats why I usually wait until a show is off the air and then go out and buy the DVD season sets to watch them all in a row. It just makes things a lot easier for me. When you get used to watching it with out commercial you also become very spoiled. Sometimes I watch them on syndication because by that time no one is the watching the show. Still, I like the commercial less version of TV.

Hey by the way... Did you watch that episode of "Miami Vice?"


Extra Reading

Vasectomy... Do it for the kids.

Everyone who knows me knows that I am not really a big fan of kids. Actually I have been quoted as saying, "Kids are a sexually transmitted disease." And for the most part I have always thought this was true. I mean they are loud, smelly and annoying. Parents have this tendency of sitting miniaturized, monstrous, versions of themselves on my counter at work. When they leave I really have to clean my station. I do not want that smelly baby order around me. Then some people have stated, but wait werent you once a kid. Yes I was. And guess what, I was loud, smelly and annoying. And if you get me on the right day I might still be all of these.

But I have realized there is a group of people that I hate even more than kids. That group of people is the parents. Seriously. I think peoples IQ drops to whatever age their kid is. At this time I would like to clarify that I am measuring age by years. I have no idea what compels people to say, "The baby is 52 or 53 weeks old." Yeah there is another way to say that. "One Year." Even if it is 53 weeks, it is still a year. You dont hear me saying that I am 1,328 weeks old.

Still, that is not the part that annoys me. What really gets my blood boiling is when parents or anyone else in a twelve foot radius around the child starts to talk like a special needs patient. Let me tell you if I was a child and I had the necessary motor skills and hand-eye coordination, I would smack whoever was talking to me like that. Why would anyone teach their kids to talk like that? And you ARE teaching them. Anything you do a child will pick up on. I remember the first time my little brother said, "f--k." Personally I thought that was funny but that just proves that they really do pick up everything. While I do not suggest you curse like a sailor around your children. Do not teach your kids to talk one way only to teach them to talk in proper English later.

The last thing that I notice parents doing is their desire to take naked pictures of their children. They are in the bathtub or in their crib or wherever. Let me give you some advice. DO NOT DO THAT. Yeah there is a sure way on how to get your child to hate you later on. Just use that picture and do something stupid with it. Because all parents inevitably do. They take the pictures and put them in their childs high school yearbook. Youre kids do not really need too much or a reason to hate you. Do not give them another excuse that they can use at some future trial for a Menendez Crime.

For those who are wondering, there are no such pictures of me. I am sure its not for lack of trying. I was born in South America and there was barely any running water let alone a camera. The closest thing we came to a picture taking device was our memory. We did not even have a police sketch artist, thats how pour we were. That compiled with the fact that I did not bring home the little form to let my parents buy some space on my high school yearbook. Yeah that means I totally skipped that embarrassing part of my life. Yeah, my high school career was embarrassing enough. Its not like I need to go out with a bang. For any one who has ever seen me drunk knows what I am talking about.

The last thing I hate about parents is their desire to make their children look like they a little Einstein. "Did you know little Tommy can already count to ten?" "Well Nicky can sing the alphabet." So what... One of these days I am going to say, "Well guess what. My little brother is doing my taxes. Granted its only the 1040EZ but hey he is only three give him time."

Ok thats it. Please feel free to have kids. Just not around me.


Extra Reading

Crazy For You Rights Activists

So the other day my friend gives me this newspaper cut out. Apparently the Vermont Teddy Bear Company had this stuffed bear that was called "Crazy for You Bear." This little guy was great... He came with a note and he had a little straight jacket. Get it... Crazy for you... Well as the article pointed out. Apparently some group was upset with this bear because the, according to them the teddy bear company was not being sensitive to the feelings of people with mental disorder.

Let me tell you a little something about myself... When I was 20 or so I was sent to one of those nice places where life is beautiful all the time. At the time I was already taking some prescription medication. And by some I mean Prozac, Depakote, Ritalin, Clonazepam, Wellbutrin XL, Paxil, Lamictal, as well as a daily vitamin and some iron supplement for my anemia. So on the day that I was sent up to the place with the nice young men and their clean white coats, they doubled my douses of everything. Needless to say, that night I slept soundly. For the rest of the time that I was there I had to have this guy watch me all the time. Apparently that's what they do when you are on suicide what. They took everything from when I got there... They took my phone. Apparently they did not want me make any unauthorized phone calls. They took my glasses. Apparently I could break my glasses and hurt myself with the shards. All of this reminded me of "Alice's Restaurant." There is this line in the song when Arlo goes, "They took out the toilet seat so I could not get myself over the ganging ground. I said, 'Officer Obie, you did not think I was going to hang myself for littering did you?'"

Anyhow... Enough with the depressing stuff...

So now that I have established myself as some who might be offended by such a bear, let me say something to those who, on my behalf, filed suit against the Vermont Teddy Bear Company... "WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE." Seriously... these people and their politically correct dogma are driving me nuts... I feel like I just stepped into Bizzaro world. If anything in the world makes me crazy, I would have to blame all of these people who do not want to offend someone... all of these people who want to sanitize the whole world so they wont insult anyone. There is always going to be someone who is insulted. Things that seem to insult people are also the things that seem to define certain people. As soon as we stop saying certain things because of fear that we might hurt someone's feelings that is the day that we stop acknowledging people as individuals...


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