Dear Santa

Every Year, millions of kids around the world write letters to Santa in hopes of receiving gifts for Christmas. Unfortunately these kids are fools. Santa Clause does not exist. Like schoolchildren, many political leaders also send letters to St. Nick each Christmas. This year, the United States Post Office has waived its tampering with the mail law and here are a few of them.

Dear Santy Clause,
Thank you for making me in your own image. I do not want a gift for Christmas this year. All I want is Peace on Earth. And a Pony. Thank you for making my wife out of one of my ribs.
Sincerely,
George W. Bush.

Dear Santa Clause,
My son is 60 years old and still thinks you exist. He also confuses you with God every year at around this time. I do not have the heart to tell him it is just me in a red suit. For Christmas this year, please give me a gift certificate redeemable either at Dairy Queen or for a lobotomy. The lobotomy would be for me; the ice cream would be for my son.
Sincerely,
George H.W. Bush

Dear Dr. Christmas,
You like that? "Dr. Christmas?" I just came up with it. I've got a million of 'em! For Christmas this year, I am thinking I would like a boob job. It does not need to be anything special. Just the biggest and best you can fit me with. Actually, to hell with that. I have been naughty this year. Just gimme the implants. Sweet. Thanks, Santa!
Sincerely,
Bill Clinton

Dear Santa Claus,
For Christmas this year, I would like a lump of coal.
Sincerely,
Hillary Rodham

Dear Santa Claus,
I was one of those kids who was born on Christmas. Everyone always combines the celebrations just to cheat me out of getting all my presents. All I want this year is the best birthday party ever. Can you make that happen?
Sincerely,
Jesus Christ

Dear Santa Claus,
Christmas came early for me this year when Michael Richards said the N-word about 600 times in the course of four minutes. Thank you. Next time hide my gifts better. You know I like a Surprise.
Sincerely,
Rev. Al Sharpton

Dear Kris Kringle,
I want a Red Ryder Carbine-Action 200-Shot Model Air Rifle with a compass in the stock and a thing that tells time. I need this to protect my home from quails and bandits. My mom says I'll shoot my eye out.
Sincerely,
Dick Cheney

Dear Santa Claus,
I need your help. I know that I am not in charge of the army anymore but still. I heard that Rudolf shoots lasers from his nose to protect the North Pole. Is it true?
Sincerely,
Donald H. Rumsfeld


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