Take this Longing

Well this post has been a long time coming... and then again... I only thought of it last Thursday... I don't know what I mean but that but I am sure I mean it.... Everyone who knows me knows that I like Leonard Cohen... but not everyone knows who he is or has even heard his songs... I know most people will probably skip this post but I think some of you should probably stick around... You might gain some insight on why things turned out the way they did...

This is a list of some of my favorite Leonard Cohen love songs... They are not the top ones because I could not find some of the ones I wanted... Like "Always"... Some of them are not even sung by Cohen and some are just fan made films... But its the essence of the song that must get through... The essence of the moment that must survive...

Really... really...


The Traitor: As long as there is a relationship... of any kind... there are expectations... No one says, "I love you." and not expect anything... And then proceeds to say, "I don't care." In the end just make sure to say you are sorry and that you enjoyed your time together before you say goodbye.
But I lingered on her thighs a fatal moment
I kissed her lips as though I thirsted still
My falsity had stung me like a hornet
The poison sank and it paralyzed my will


Tonight Will Be Fine: Ok so these first two songs are not sung by Leonard but they are written by him. This like many songs from this list inspire hope... I think love, more than anything else, brings you hope... Hope that the future will be work out and that the past can change...
Oh sometimes I see her undressing for me,
she's the soft naked lady love meant her to be
and she's moving her body so brave and so free.
If I've got to remember that's a fine memory.


Hallelujah: I remember when I used to work in retail I used to listen to this song over and over again... There was this one Christmas... I walked out to my car listening to this song and I as I got to my car I broke down crying. I dropped my keys in the snow and I held myself up against the car by putting my hand on the window. By the time the song ended I had melted a hand print in the ice on the window with the heat of my hand. It was awful... But then again... This song was in Shrek. Remember.
I've seen your flag on the marble arch
but love is not a victory march
it's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah


Dance Me to the End of Love: This song says so much about a relationship. as many Cohen songs do. At the beginning you think that nothing will stop it and then the wrong thing happens and with one sentence it is all gone. I like this song because it speaks to the power or love as well as it's frailty. I remember walking through the empty hallways of the mall listening to this song over and over again like it was in some goddamn Fred Astaire dance studio.
Oh let me see your beauty when the witnesses are gone
Let me feel you moving like they do in Babylon
Show me slowly what I only know the limits of
and Dance me to the end of love


So Long Marianne: At the end of any relationship you realized that you have to just let things pass. Hating the other person, or even being mean to them is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die. This song really says that even though you are not as strong as the other person you still have hope enough that you will make it...
For now I need your hidden love
I'm cold as a new razor blade
You left when I told you I was curious
I never said that I was brave.


Chelsea Hotel 2: Occasionally a person looks back on their past and realizes that no matter how seedy or unconventional, it was all still considered love. A few nights or a few seconds can still amount to so much passion that will last for years...
I remember you well in the Chelsea Hotel
you were famous, your heart was a legend
You told me again you preferred handsome men
but for me you would make an exception


Take This Waltz: Sometimes as one looks back, there are some fun times that you will always remember... You romanticize something that was was never possible to begin with... The thing that this songs really says a lot of is that you have to look at that those moments with fondness no matter what...
Theres an attic where children are playing
Where I've got to lie down with you soon
In a dream of Hungarian lanterns
In the mist of some sweet afternoon


Be for Real: From the ashes of loneliness there are those times that you look for someone... Anyone... Someone to help you through that moment... But you really hope that the person is going to be there through the thick of it... Who will not just come back when they need you... Or when they have time for you... Kind of like purgatory...
I just would like to believe, ah what you tell me.
So don't give me the world today
And tomorrow take it away.
You see I, I don't want to be hurt by love again.


I'm Your Man: Cohen wrote this song when he had fallen in bad graces with the woman he loved... He wrote this song, as he said, "To worm his way back into her heart." I think sometimes you just have to let the other person know how you feel... And sometimes you have to be as blunt and as humble as possible at the same time... because that is what it takes...
Or I'd crawl to you baby and Id fall at your feet
And I'd howl at your beauty like a dog in heat
And Id claw at your heart and Id tear at your sheet
I'd say please, please. I'm your man


Ok thats enough... I can't talk right now... Don't write back...

Christmas with Aliens vs. Predator....

Went to go see AVP on Tuesday... No review... Just these words... Save your money and watch this...

The top 100 reasons it’s great to be a guy

1. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
2. Movie nudity is virtually always female.
3. You know stuff about tanks.
4. A five day vacation requires only one suitcase.
5. Monday Night Football.
6. You don't have to monitor your friends sex lives.
7. Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter.
8. You can open all your own jars.
9. Old friends don't give you crap if you've lost or gained weight.
10. Dry cleaners and haircutter's don't rob you blind.
11. When clicking through the channel, you don't have to stall on every shot of someone crying.
12. Your ass is never a factor in a job interview.
13. All your orgasms are real.
14. A beer gut does not make you invisible to the opposite sex.
15. Guys in hockey masks don't attack you.
16. You don't have to lug a bag of useful stuff around everywhere you go.
17. You understand why Stripes is funny.
18. You can go to the bathroom with out a support group.
19. Your last name stays put.
20. You can leave a hotel bed unmade.
21. When your work is criticized, you don't have to panic that everyone secretly hates you.
22. You can kill your own food.
23. The garage is all yours.
24. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
25. You see the humor in Terms of Endearment.
26. Nobody secretly wonders if you swallow.
27. You never have to clean the toilet.
28. You can be showered and ready in 10 minutes.
29. Sex means never worrying about your reputation.
30. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
31. If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
32. Your underwear is $10 for a three pack.
33. The National College Cheerleading Championship
34. None of your co-workers have the power to make you cry.
35. You don't have to shave below your neck.
36. You don't have to curl up next to a hairy ass every nite.
37. If you're 34 and single nobody notices.
38. You can write your name in the snow.
39. You can get into a nontrivial pissing contest.
40. Everything on your face stays its original color.
41. Chocolate is just another snack.
42. You can be president.
43. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat.
44. Flowers fix everything.
45. You never have to worry about other people's feelings.
46. You get to think about sex 90% of your waking hours.
47. You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
48. Three pair of shoes are more than enough.
49. You can eat a banana in a hardware store.
50. You can say anything and not worry about what people think.
51. Foreplay is optional.
52. Michael Bolton doesn't live in your universe.
53. Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when you walk into the room.
54. You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.
55. You don't have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming by.
56. You never feel compelled to stop a pal from getting laid.
57. Car mechanics tell you the truth.
58. You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut.
59. You can watch a game in silence with you buddy for hours without even thinking (He must be mad at me)
60. The world is your urinal.
61. You never misconstrue innocuous statements to mean your lover is about to leave you.
62. You get to jump up and slap stuff.
63. Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
64. One mood, all the time.
65. You can admire Clint Eastwood without starving yourself to look like him.
66. You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too skeevy.
67. You know at least 20 ways to open a beer bottle.
68. You can sit with your knees apart no matter what you are wearing.
69. Same work....more pay.
70. Gray hair and wrinkles add character.
71. You don't have to leave the room to make an emergency crotch adjustment.
72. Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100.
73. You don't care if someone is talking about you behind your back.
74. With 400 million sperm per shot, you could double the earth's population in 15 tries, at least in theory.
75. You don't mooch off others' desserts.
76. If you retain water, it's in a canteen.
77. The remote is yours and yours alone.
78. People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.
79. ESPN's sports center.
80. You can drop by to see a friend without bringing a little gift.
81. Bachelor parties whomp ass over bridal showers.
82. You have a normal and healthy relationship with your mother.
83. You can buy condoms without the shopkeeper imagining you naked.
84. You needn't pretend you're "freshening up" to go to the bathroom.
85. If you don't call your buddy when you say you will, he won't tell you friends you've changed.
86. Someday you'll be a dirty old man.
87. You can rationalize any behavior with the handy phrase "F*k it!"
88. If an other guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you might become lifelong buddies.
89. Princess Di's death was almost just another obituary.
90. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
91. You never have to miss a sexual opportunity because you're not in the mood.
92. You think the idea of punting a small dog is funny.
93. If something mechanical didn't work, you can bash it with a hammer and throw it across the room.
94. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
95. Porn movies are designed with your mind in mind.
96. You don't have to remember everyone's birthdays and anniversaries.
97. Not liking a person does not preclude having great sex with them.
98. Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So...notice anything different?"
99. Baywatch
100. There is always a game on somewhere.

We will always have Paris

As a young boy my parents used to send me to different places around the world. I think they always felt a little guilty that they were not around much during my childhood so they tried to make it up by sending me to different countries… ALONE!

Oh well... so by the time I was sixteen, I had gone to France (twice), Germany and Switzerland and who knows where else... No seriously... I never paid attention. I had also traveled to Maine to do some deep sea kayaking and New Mexico to hike 50 miles.

Well anyway...

Well the first time I ever traveled out of the country I was in Paris by myself. After a quick trip to the catacombs in Paris I decided that I was going to go to the Eiffel Tower. This trip would lead me to write a story about it years later.

As I was leaving the tomb I ran into some very nasty looking kids. Who for some reason or another wanted to mug me? Now I figured money was what they wanted but no. What they really wanted was… my jeans. That's right… They could have had the money I had in my pocket but seriously they wanted my Levi's. Can you believe that…

Finally after getting away from that bunch I make it up to that thing. What a lousy structure that was. Well after spending two hours on line I get to spend twelve minutes riding the elevator only to be told that the tower will be closing in 10 minutes. Well I sit down on a bench where I proceeded to fall asleep for FIFTEEN minutes.

That's right a 16 year old kid who does not know a word of French is now stuck at the top of the tower. Every elevator is closed, all the shops are closed and I am the ONLY person up there. Let me tell you, loneliness does not seem quite as cool when you are stuck hundreds of feet (meters. Sorry they use the metric system) in the air in some foreign country. The only thing that is open is the stairs. So there I go.. I start running down the stairs. One thousand feet down and I am running down the stairs… I used to smoke for gods sake. I am having a hard time breathing so to take my mind off things I start to think of interesting Eiffel Tower facts. Like the fact that it was built in 1889 (what is that in metric).

I just knew it... That thing was going to collapse. This thing was constructed for the World's Fair back in the Bronze Age and I am running down the stairs like they are stable.

When I finally reached the second level, boy, were those French guards pissed. You would think I did something wrong. Like it was my idea to spend the last twenty minutes going down the stairs... That was 450 feet and the least these guys could do was bring me a bottle of Perrier or something... Losers... If I was not such an outstanding citizen as I am now I probably would have said, "Hey, the Germans are coming."

Needless to say... the next time I went to Paris I just went to Notre Dame... and let me tell you about those Gargoyles...

I heart the 80’s....

Well after a few conversations about the 80's I thought I should write about it and show you my to ten favorite 80's songs. Ok but let us get this out of the way... This will not be a post about power ballads... So no Twisted Sister or Ratt... Sorry... I just like 80's songs... So here goes... In no particular order...

Tears for Fears - Shout
Let's start of with a band that did nothing after the eighties... After all they wrote this song because they were both going over trauma. Anyway... It was the eighties... Everyone was going through tramua... Lord knows I was...


Fine Young Cannibals - She Drives Me Crazy
In the 80's, it seems like nothing climbed the music charts faster than a song where the lead singer sounded like he was getting his balls squeezed in a vice. The worst instance of this was Journey but since I have already mentioned them I have to pick someone else...


Bob Seger - Old time Rock and Roll
This song actually came out in 1978 but since it did not become famous until 1983's Risky Business I am putting it here. Everyone knows that scene where pre-couch-jumping Tom Cruise dances around in his underwear. Go ahead guys. Try this at home for your little lady. Dance around like a tool in your underwear and if she really, really, loves you... she will still have sex with you when you are done.


Van Halen - Hot For Teacher
I swear, I would have been on the honor roll every quarter if my teachers looked like this. The Dawson knows what I am talking about when they had this song in Varsity Blues. And Roth... well... I am glad that you tried to be a game show host but just leave us out of it...


Gloria Gaynor - I will survive
I remember I was listening to this song in the car once... I was driving down the palisades towards the bridge and this song came on. Well this song came on and I turned the radio up to sing along... I am totally singing out loud when I get to the tollbooths by the bridge. I roll down the window (still singing... mind you...) and go to hand the tollbooth lady my money... Well there was this rather large African-American woman. She was not to happy to see me singing this song...


Billy Idol - White Wedding
James Marsters... Oh... I mean Billy Idol came up with this song it was to condemn the up coming wedding of his younger sister. And if you think about it... It's lame... For some reason this is the song that most people remember when others have actually gotten higher on the charts...


David Bowie - China Girl
This has got to be the most politically incorrect love song on the planet. But since it is sung by androgynous and ambiguous sexually orientated British man it seems fine. Might as well get a mannequin to sing your next love song because when the Goblin King sings it... it seems kind of creepy.


Paul Simon - You Can Call Me All
Well take the half of Simon and Garfunkel that actually has talent... Add Chevy Chase (while he was still good) lip syncing and you have music video gold. Too bad Paul Simon's next album not do so well.


Soft Cell - Tainted Love
This song has been covered so many times it's not even funny. But everyone remembers the Soft Cell synthpop version. The first time I heard this song was in 1997 when Spike Jonze featured this song in a Levi's commercial. In a brilliant move he matched the synthesized beat to the EKG machine.


Robert Palmer - Addicted To Love
You would think that a video with four hot chicks would be really interesting... But you know... It's not... And neither is the three other videos that copied this one... Here is a hint ladies... If you are pretending to be playing the guitar try moving your hands to another fret...
VIDEO

Despair in a cute package....

Dichotomy personafied

Dude! You are getting a Doppelgänger...

Well I know that I got a new reader... so I have to make this good...Ben Curtis is the Dell dude... I know everyone remembers him... He was cool... That is until he dropped out of all knowledge... You can watch one of the commercials here... I would embed the video into this post but those bastardeds disabled that ability... Well needless to say... He is now a waiter / bartender in restaurant called Tortilla Flats some where in New York City...

But the reason for this post is to point out that I think I might have had coffee with this guy today...

Here is the Dell Dude...


and here is the guy I had coffee with today...


I know someone famous...

like they do on the discover channel (NSFW)

Warning: do not click on the following links if you are at work or if you are my mother... If you are the latter... I swear someone else sent these to me... lol...



Do it now



find Sarah Connor



I am sooo not thinking about work...

Halloween is killing me...

This is death by Cotton Candy... click the picture for more...

I am a Marvel / I am DC

Since Mike just got a new mac with Leopard I figured I would post something this... This is a cool parody of the "I am a PC / I am PC" commercials... Have fun...


Spider-Man and Superman talk about the future of DC movies... you know... instead of just letting the Batman franchise carry them the whole way...


Spider-Man and Superman talk about history... Supe's reminisces about his good movies... You know.. the ones from the eighties...


Superman tells Spider about his new kid... the one that never appeared in the comics... after all who does not aspire to be an illegitimate father...


Superman and Spider-Man talk about how Superman never seems to fight a real super villain... Hey lets watch another movie where Superman fights a rock!


Batman comes into the mix and Spider-Man tries to compare his "dark" childhood with Batman's... Orphans have to stick together man...


Spider-Man drinks his sorrow over the fact that no one seems to like his new movie... but then then Batman reminds Spider and Super about Bat-Nipples...


Uncle Ben and Jor-El get into the mix... Because everyone is envious of how Batman interacts with his parents... Just staring at him...


Superman runs into Wolverine at the bar... and Wolverine is a little angry that Superman stole Brian Synger from his movie...

Ten Reasons Gay Marriage is Un-American

I saw this posted on a BBS -- there was no attribution.

01. Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning.
02. Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.
03. Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.
04. Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can't marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.
05. Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Britany Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.
06. Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn't be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren't full yet, and the world needs more children.
07. Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.
08. Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only one religion in America.
09. Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.
10. Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven't adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans.

More than what you hoped? Probably the end...

The smell of the bakery from across the street got in his nose. He could feel the shape of the stones of the street on his feet. Each stone placed where it was deliberately in an effort to make a street. He just kept on walking down the street. He was smelling, hearing, seeing, feeling, and even tasting everything in his environment. He just walked down the street with his purpose in mind. He knew what it was and he knew that he must do it. He must change time.

As he slowly began to walk down the hill, he saw his three targets. They were two little boys and one little girl. It was the little girl that most interested him. The little girl brought him here. The little girl had brought him back to this place.

He kept walking down the hill. His long coat was swaying in the wind. It always seemed the windiest on this street, he thought. It always seemed that the high pressure of air from the river seed to flow up the hill that he was walking down. His coat just flapped. His coat just blew behind him like some kind of cape and he walked like some kind of superman. He continued down the hill. His three targets just bouncing up and down with each step. He just kept looking at the little girl. He saw her smile. She smiled a smile that he knew so well. She smiled a smile that brought him happiness. The scar on her upper lip had already started to form. He smiled knowing how she had given herself that scar. It was something that he would always use to identify her. Probably something he liked the best about her.

However, he knew what he must do to her. He knew what he must do for her. As he walked, he reached in and touched the gun that was holstered beneath his left arm. He could feel the smoothness of the metal and the roughness of the plastic that made up its handle. As he touched the gun, as he thought of his plan, he kept eying the little girl. He wondered if she knew who he was, if she knew who she was suppose to become, would she ever forgive him.

The three children sat on the sidewalk playing. The man could not tell what they were playing from where he was coming from. Nor did he care. His one goal was to finish his mission and as he looked at the brown hair of the little girl he knew what that mission was. He knew that no matter how he felt about it he knew that her life WAS his mission. Closer and closer, he came to the children. As he walked in the shadows of the tall buildings, he wondered if he could really do it. He continued walking until he passed them. Yes, he just walked passed the three children and on his second step, he turned around.

A few seconds later, he looked down at them to see what they were doing. At the same time, they looked up at him to see who was blocking their light. They wanted to see who could be disrupting their game. There in the shadow of the man, in the shadow of the sun they saw him reach into the left side of his coat. They were not sure what they were seeing, as he pulled out the gun. They just noticed that it shone in the light of the sun. He could see the puzzled look in the little girls brown eyes. He could see her two eyes separated by the barrel of his gun. That was his line of sight. That was his focus of vision.

Then in one swift move brown-eyed girl was horrified as she saw him pull the trigger.

Moreover, the man walked on into the sunlight as thunder rolled in the cloudless sky.

A repeate of nature...

A scorpion was wandering along the bank of the river, wondering how to get to the other side. Suddenly he saw a fox. He asked the fox to take him across the river.

The fox said, "No. If I do that, you'll sting me and I'll drown."

The scorpion assured him, "If I did that, we'd both drown."

The fox thought about it and finally agreed. So the scorpion climbed up on his back and the fox began to swim. But halfway across the river, the scorpion stung him.

As the poison filled his veins, the fox turned to the scorpion and said, "Why did you do that? Now you'll drown too."

"I couldn't help it," said the scorpion. "It's my nature."


Extra Reading

The all seeing eye...

Boatload of Cracked...

Well here is another boatload of stuff post.   Lately at work a friend and I have been talking about this site... Well I had some of these links so I figured that I would share... Oh one more thing... By the way if you click on the blue lines it will take you to the article... It's the internet on your computer...

8 Important Lessons Learned from '80's Cartoons
We'd like to point out that we're aware of the fact that some of the cartoons listed below did not originate in the '80s. However, they were on during the '80s, that's when we watched them, so they're '80s cartoons to us. It's like when we refer to bedwetting as "late '90s behavior." Without further ado...

10 Best Animated Movies for Traumatizing Kids
Life is a relentless parade of horrors. Adults try to shield the kiddies from that fact, but every year animated film studios work hard to make sure the real world comes crashing in on little Timmy years ahead of schedule.

5 Questions Season Two of Heroes Had Better F@king Answer
Unlike a certain show about people stranded on a mysterious island that won't be named, by the end of its first season Heroes had managed to neatly wrap up the vast majority of its plot threads and running storylines. The cheerleader was saved; the sword was retrieved; and the exploding man was stopped. Here, we'll re-examine some of the loose threads and questions left over from the first season of Heroes. Hopefully this will help people get back up to speed. Also, this will give us a good excuse to post several pictures of Ali Larter in her panties.

10 Most Memorable Movie Cameos by Non-Actors
Sometimes the most memorable movie cameos come from the most unlikely sources: the game show hosts, the rock musicians, the famous authors. These are people, in other words, whom you wouldn't expect to be sharing screen space with your Martin Lawrences, your Adam Sandlers, your Skeet Ulriches. Nonetheless, against all common reason, there they are. Here are the 10 that made us say "The hell...?" followed by "Hold on, this is awesome."

10 Weakest Songs by Badass Bands
Like athletes, comedians and dungeon-porn actors, time takes its toll on badass musicians. And inevitably, you'll catch your favorite crew of leather-clad/whiskey-swilling/vagina-liking sons of bitches cranking out a song that's suitable for the closing montage of a Grey's Anatomy episode. Here are the 10 most disappointing examples of badass bands playing nice—and subsequently looking like douchebags.

6 Movie Formulas That Must Be Stopped
Dear Hollywood, Hi, it's us! The people who spend money on your movies. Please stop making the same ones over and over again. We've seen the same recycled formulas year after year after year—and frankly, we're tired of it. We'll admit, you've delivered a few gems recently. Transformers, for example, stumbled upon a refreshing formula: Namely, Giant Robots Fighting Each Other + Megan Fox Standing Around Looking Awesome: AWESOME...

6 Most Over-Hyped Threats to America
Whether it's the threat of a terrorist attack, a shady foreign dictator, or men putting their genitals into other men, the powers that be want to keep you afraid of things you simply shouldn't be afraid of. Here are the six most unwarranted sources of fear the Man uses to keep you dumb... and Himself in power.

Five Great Comedians Who've lost It
Nuff said...


Extra Reading

Use this like MacGyver

Did you ever notice that MacGyver could do just about anything with just about anything.  There was this one episode when some lady said, "What are you going to do next? Make a weapon out of gum?"  To which MacGyber said, "Why do you have some?"  Well, here are some items that you can use to fix or do just about anything...

Baking Soda

Common Items

Dental Floss

Hydrogen Peroxide

Peper

Soap

Table Salt

Toothpaste

Oh by the why MacGyers first name is Angus... It's no wonder why he liked being called by his last name...


Extra Reading

Favorite Star Wars T Shirts

Extra Reading

Mushroom Kingdom

English pub wants Peru’s help to beat smoking ban

Apr 27 11:21 AM

An English pub is trying to beat the imminent ban on smoking in public places by asking for consulate status from the Peruvian embassy in London, the landlady said Friday.

Debbie Trevithick, from the Peruvian Arms in Penzance, Cornwall, south-west England, said the pub has close ties with the South American country and she has written to Peru's ambassador in London to ask for consulate status.

Lighting up in public places is due to be outlawed in England on July 1. Scotland and Wales have already done so and smokers will have to stub out their cigarettes in Northern Ireland on April 30.

"About 95 percent of our customers smoke and it would be wonderful to be the only pub in England where you could have a cigarette," Trevithick said.

"Obviously it is a bit of fun so we are not holding out too much hope. But you never know what might happen."

The pub was built by an 18th century Cornish engineer for his daughter with money from silver mines in Peru. Trevithick said the pub has maintained close links with the Peruvian embassy in London ever since.

She pledged that staff would learn Spanish, celebrate Peru's national holiday and may even get a pet llama if they secure consulate status.

Perks of that could include free parking, diplomatic immunity -- and being allowed to smoke on the premises.

Copyright AFP 2005, AFP stories and photos shall not be published, broadcast, rewritten for broadcast or publication or redistributed directly or indirectly in any medium


Extra Reading

The Traitor...

Now the Swan it floated on the English river
Ah the Rose of High Romance it opened wide
A sun tanned woman yearned me through the summer
and the judges watched us from the other side
I told my mother "Mother I must leave you
preserve my room but do not shed a tear
Should rumour of a shabby ending reach you
it was half my fault and half the atmosphere"

But the Rose I sickened with a scarlet fever
and the Swan I tempted with a sense of shame
She said at last I was her finest lover
and if she withered I would be to blame

The judges said you missed it by a fraction
rise up and brace your troops for the attack
Ah the dreamers ride against the men of action
Oh see the men of action falling back

But I lingered on her thighs a fatal moment
I kissed her lips as though I thirsted still
My falsity had stung me like a hornet
The poison sank and it paralysed my will

I could not move to warn all the younger soldiers
that they had been deserted from above
So on battlefields from here to Barcelona
I'm listed with the enemies of love

And long ago she said "I must be leaving,
Ah but keep my body here to lie upon
You can move it up and down and when I'm sleeping
Run some wire through that Rose and wind the Swan"

So daily I renew my idle duty
I touch her here and there -- I know my place
I kiss her open mouth and I praise her beauty
and people call me traitor to my face

Best "Out of Office" Automatic e-mail Replies

1. I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood.

2. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.

3. Sorry to have missed you, but I am at the doctor's having my brain and heart removed so I can be promoted to our management team.

4. I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from vacation. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.

5. Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first 10 words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.

6. The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again. (The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see how many in-duh-viduals did this over and over.)

7. Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.

8. Hi, I'm thinking about what you've just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.

9. I've run away to join a different circus.

10. I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as 'Loretta' instead of 'Bob'

11. I'm a VP...I only read emails from other VP's or higher and that is only if I like you...I have that right...I am a VP. If you got an auto out of office response...and you are not a VP or higher consider this the last message you will receive from me until I take another one of my 12 weeks of vacation. I am a VP (Vicious Prick).


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Star Wars Quotes and Sex

I know what most of you are thinking... Star Wars and Sex? These two words rarely go together... Well If you take anything out of context it will be funny. For those of you who have never seen Star Wars let me just say this... "Get out of my country you communist." Well for your reading pleasure here are my favorite Star Wars Quotes (in no particular order) that should not describe your Sex life.

You came in that thing? You're braver than I thought.

Aren't you kinda short to be a stormtrooper?

"I'm your father."

Get in there, you big furry oaf! I don't care what you smell!

Even I get boarded sometimes. Do you think I had a choice?

I know it smells bad, but it will keep you warm.

Size matters not. Look at me. Judge me by my size, do you? Hmm? Hmm. And well you should not."

Do or do not. There is no try.

Laugh it up, fuzzball!!

She may not look like much, but she's got it where it counts, kid.

You cannot resist the power of the Dark Side.

The target area is only two meters wide.

She's your sister.

Ten thousand? I could almost buy my own ship for that!

Your father wanted you to have this when you were old enough, but your uncle wouldn't allow it.

I will make it legal.


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Boat Load of Maxim...

Well this is is the followup to my previous "Boat Load of YouTube" post... I hope you like it... It seems like most of the internet is based up of lists... Well try to wrap your mind around this... This is a list of list... How about that... How is that cool... I know... I am soo cool...

The 13 Best Worst Movies We Can't Stop Watching, But Totally Should
Admit it, once these movies appear on your TV, you´re physically incapable of turning them off. Wallow in the awful greatness of good bad movies.

Hottest Women of Horror Movies
We know you naturally fear women, but this time you may have good reason. Death seems to follow these killer hotties around everywhere they go.

Hot Women & the Hideous Men They Love
So what if you´re ugly? Being hideous certainly didn't stop these lucky bastards from getting themselves some grade-A leg. Read on...
Joystick or Sex Toy?
These days it's hard to tell the difference between a joystick for your console or a sex toy for your girlfirend. If you are a special kind of reader your girlfriend might be your console...

Wizards That Could Kick Harry Potter's Ass
Watch out, Harry, these wand-wielding veterans aren't afraid to hit a guy with glasses.

The Hottest Women in Comics
No male-Power fantasy would be complete without some elaborately drawn -- and scatily clad -- eye candy. We wouldn't mind being more than super friends with all these ladies.

The Sexiest Assassins
Death wouldn´t be so bad if these ladies´ faces were the last thing we saw before dying.


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Boatload of YouTube: Part 2

Ok so I was not planing to do another YouTube Post but after my conversation with Doug over "Take 5" I figured that I should do another one... Ok off to the videos... lol...

This video is one of the few that made Youtube famous... It is such a simple movie and with a simple tune but for some reason it just makes you smile every time that you watch it... The band, if you are wondering is sick Puppies."


Everyone has seen the "I am an apple, I am a P.C." commercials... Here here is the P.C. guy pretending to be Steve Jobs at the World Wide Development Conference... It
pretty funny... Have fun...


I remember when I was in college and I realized how much rap music is influenced by Japanese animation... Well everyone knows that the best Japanese Animated movie was Akira. Yes... the BEST movie WAS A-K-I-R-A... end of story... Well it seems that Kanye West agrees and he has used some scenes in his new music video "Stronger." The best part about this is that it is all live action... f-ing sweet...


Ok... This is probably better than Spider-Man 3... Enough said...


This video is from the world championships at yoyoing... I can imagine how much sex this guy has had to give up over the last couple of years to be able to do this...


"Naked News" picks an anchorwoman. For those who do not know... "Naked News" is a web site that has women read the news for you naked... Note this is not porno... I would say this is porno-esk... or porno-like... Well you may be wondering how they pick an anchorwoman... Well funny that you ask...


Airtrax omni-directional technology allows this Sidewinder Lift Truck to move forward, diagonally, laterally, in any direction at all. The wheel system can rotate 360 degrees in its own footprint or go sideways without turning at all. The navigational options are virtually limitless.


The Algorithm March with Ninjas. From Wikipedia: The Algorithm March is a dance fad created in Japan, based on the children's television series PythagoraSwitch. It is attributed to Arugorizumu Koushin - Itsumo Kokokara. The dance can be performed in lines, moving canon style one at a time. After each movement, the line takes a step forward.


ok.. Continuing on the ninja genre like I am twelve... Here is an upcoming movie... It is called "Ninja Cheerleaders." Come on... This has to be the greatest movie idea since "Snakes on Plane" Hot Cheerleaders. Ninjas. And best of all it's got George Takei from Star Trek fame... Can't wait...


Ok here is the video that started all of this... This came from a conversation. Basically it is Dave Brubeck's Take Five. I was once told that this song sound like Christmas music. Well lets see how it sounds while it is done by a Japanese girls band.
[VIDEO DELETED]


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Boat load of YouTube...

Ok well I have been wanting to post some YouTube videos for quite a while. Well since I have such a large backlog of things to talk about I figure that I should just put a whole bunch of videos in one post instead of just one video a day... I would never catch up if I don't do this. Please write back and tell me what you think... I might just be wasting my time...

-- Kevin Smith vs. a Heckler
This was one of the most memorable moments from Comic-Con '07. A non-believer tried to grow a pair and tried to call him out by asking him, "Are you ever going to make a movie with original characters that doesn't suck?" Well as Kevin Smith reminded him, "Don't mess with the guy with the microphone."


-- Storm Trooper Stripper (OK, Prostitute)
This is really cool except for the fact that all stormtroopers were men, so, basically, the guy who went to a BROTHEL, went to have fantasy sex WITH A MAN!!! Well some men like women with guns, I guess this guy likes his women to have a gun and a uniform and come from Star Wars.


-- Bush admits that Iraq Had Nothing To Do With 9/11
One of the most interesting things in politics these days is that it seems the people who worship Bush are also the people who don't listen to a word he says! This video is almost a year old but for some reason this has been kept out of the main stream news. Has anyone seen this?


-- Spider-Cat
This is one of the most amazing things I have seen on YouTube in a while... How does an animal figure out they can do this. This is better than the last Spider-Man movies and it makes me think of the best part of the Simpsons Movie... SPider Cat! Spider Cat! does what ever a spider can.


-- The History of the AK-47
Of all the weapons in the vast soviet arsenal, nothing was more profitable than Avtomat Kalashnikova model of 1947. More commonly known as the AK-47, or Kalashnikov. It's the world's most popular assault rifle. A weapon all fighters love. An elegantly simple 9 pound amalgamation of forged steel and plywood. It doesn't break, jam, or overheat. It'll shoot whether it's covered in mud or filled with sand. It's so easy, even a child can use it; and they do.


-- The Dark Knight teaser trailer
After the last movie every comic book nerd has been chomping at the bit for the next installment of Batman. This video is the teaser for the upcoming movie. Still the trailer does not show very much. A teaser trailer is intended to make you aware that a movie is coming out and peak your interest. Still when they say "teaser" they mean it... Even virgin's don't tease guys this much.


-- Make a Tabletop Biosphere
Watch the video and create a closed system to live on your windowsill! If you have an aquarium, you probably have all the chemicals you need for this. If you have to buy new chemicals, you'll have enough for hundreds of biospheres! A few dollars will get you hours of enjoyment.


-- Turn A PENCIL Into A LIGHT
Imagine your car breaks down and you do not have a flashlight. Still you have a pencil. Well that is enough. That is enough to save you and give you a few minutes to look around under the hood. At least that is long enough for you to realize that you have no idea what you are doing and then you can call the tow truck...


-- Automatic Car Doors
1993 Lincoln Mark VIII Disappearing / Automatic Doors! Very cool even though it was not very save... This has to be some of the coolest concept car doors ever. Still the concept did not go very far so they just canceled the whole thing and they junked the car.


-- Bike Drifting
Wow... It's been years sine I rode my bike but even after years of practice I don't think I could do this... Just insaine what this guy can do... I am guessing the has to shift his body weight so it is not so heavy on the back tire.


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Tech Support from "HP"

This will help you with ALL your computer questions....

hp.com

There now that you know everything... Watch the movie....


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Latin You Should Know

Why do you need these Latin phrases? Well, like Latin teachers always say, Latin lives on in plenty of English words and phrases. But mostly, it's worth learning a bit of Latin because omnia dicta fortiori, si dicta Latina: everything sounds more impressive when said in Latin.

Ad hoc: Literally meaning "for this," it's generally used to mean improvised.

Ad infinitum (not to be confused with et cetera): "To infinity, without end."

Caveat emptor: "Let the buyer beware."

Citius altius fortius: "Faster, higher, stronger" - the motto of the modern Olympics.

Columbarium: A collective tomb in ancient Rome that was also used as a house for pigeons and doves.

Corpus christi: "The body of Christ."

Cuius est solum eius est usque ad coelum et ad inferos: "Whoever owns the land it is theirs up to the sky and down to the depths." The state of Kansas used this law in the 1970s to argue that airlines could not serve liquor when flying over Kansas, a dry state. "Kansas," Attorney General Vern Miller said, "goes all the way up and all the way down." (If that's true, Kansas can lay claim to, and prohibit drinking in, about 82,282 square miles of western China.)

Deus ex machina: "A god from the machine," usually referring to an awkward and contrived resolution to conflict. The phrase got its start from the plays of Euripides, in which a god was lowered down onto the stage via a mechanical crane to sort out intractable conflicts and confused plots.

Et ignotas animum dimittit in artes: "And he sent forth his spirit among the unknown arts." A beautiful quote from Ovid.

Id est: "That is," often abbreviated "i.e."

In medias res: "In the middle of things." Stories like Paradise Lost or The Odyssey or Sweet Valley High 17 begin in the middle.

Ipso facto: "By the very fact," i.e., "absolutely, regardless of circumstances."

Lupus est homo homini: "Man is wolf to man." No one knew this better than the Romans.

Magnum opus: Great work.

Nolo contendere: When you want to enter a plea of No contest" in as fancy a way as possible.

Opus Dei: "The work of God" or "An outsized villain in a bestselling novel."

Quod erat demonstrandum: "That which was to be demonstrated." Abbreviated QED, often the end of a mathematical proof.

Sic semper tyrannis: "Thus always to tyrants," the motto of Virginia and the last first thing John Wilkes Booth said before after shooting Abraham Lincoln.

Sic transit gloria: "Glory fades," popularized by Max Fischer, founder, Rushmore Double-Team Dodgeball Society.

Sub poena: "Under penalty," as in "Do this or you're in trouble."

Tabula rasa: A "blank slate" - John Locke's description of the human mind without knowledge.

Veni, vidi, vici: "I came, I saw, I conquered," and the most oft-mispronounced Latin phrase in the world. It should be pronounced, WAY-nee, WEE-dee, WEE-kee.


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Dots - Challenging Classic Game!

Who wants to loose a couple of hours of their lives...  I love this game... I remember playing this on the bus on my way to many school trips...

Game... Dots!

Have fun with the game...


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Bad day at Hallmark

Ever wondered what happens when Hallmark writers are having a bad day... Imagine getting one of these in the mail...


My tire was thumping.
I thought it was flat
When I looked at the tire...
I noticed your cat.

Heard your wife left you,
How upset you must be.
But don't fret about it...
She moved in with me.

Looking back over the years
that we've been together,
I can't help but wonder...
"What the hell was I thinking?"

Congratulations on your wedding day!
Too bad no one likes your husband.

How could two people as beautiful as you
Have such an ugly baby?

I've always wanted to have
someone to hold,
someone to love.
After having met you ..
I've changed my mind.

I must admit, you brought Religion into my life.
I never believed in Hell until I met you.

As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am...
That you're not here to ruin it for me.

Congratulations on your promotion.
Before you go...
Would you like to take this knife out of my back?
You'll probably need it again.

Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!
(Available only in Tennessee, Kentucky, West Virginia)

Happy birthday! You look great for your age.
Almost Lifelike!

When we were together,
you always said you'd die for me.
Now that we've broken up,
I think it's time you kept your promise.

We have been friends for a very long time ..
let's say we stop?

I'm so miserable without you
it's almost like you're here.

Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.
Did you ever find out who the father was?

Your friends and I wanted to do
something special for your birthday.
So we're having you put to sleep.

So your daughter's a hooker,
and it spoiled your day.
Look at the bright side,
it's really good pay


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Happy Birthday MTV...

Note: The following is from the video...

On August 1, 1981 at 12:01 am, MTV aired its first music video, "Video Killed the Radio Star" by the Buggles. This debut is still remembered as the breakthrough cultural event of the early 80's, making the beginning of the music video era. Even today, [over twenty-six] years later, this video and related commentaries can be found on numerous sited all over the Web.

Appropriately enough "Video Killed the Radio Star" celebrated the birth of one new medium - the music video - and mourned the waning of another - radio.

On June 6, 2000, eStudio.com helped usher in another paradigm-breaking medium with parody of the original MTV video - "Internet Killed the Video Star." Like the video if parodies, "Internet Killed" chronicles the explosive growth of a whole new medium - the Internet. This animated music parody leaves a lot of roadkill in its wake - MTV, AOL, Bill Gates and others, and is the first in a series of animated music parodies from eStudios that will appear on shockwave.com.




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Since "300" just came out on DVD....

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The Bottle of Merlot

Being the gentleman I am I asked a waiter to take a bottle of Merlot to an attractive woman I spotted dining alone.

The waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said, "This is from the gentleman seated over there," pointing at me.

She regarded the wine coolly for a second, not looking at me, and decided to send a reply note to me. The waiter, who was lingering for a response, took the note from her and brought it to me.

The note read:
"For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank, and 7 inches in your pants."

After reading the note, I decided to compose one of my own in return. I folded the note, handed it to the waiter and instructed him to return this to the woman.

It read:
"For your information, I have a Ferrari Maranello, a BMW Z8, a Mercedes CL600 and a Porsche Turbo in my garage. There is over twenty million dollars in my bank account. But, not even for a woman as beautiful as you, would I cut three inches off. Just send the bottle back."


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The Circle is Now Complete

When I left you, I was but the learner; now *I* am the master.


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Homer vs. Homer

One of them was a great epic poet of Greek antiquity whose two major works laid the foundation for all literature in western civilization. The other is a suburban Springfielder and safety inspector whose wry, ironic and sometimes outlandish commentaries on all things contemporary have entertained millions.

*HOMER* Homer is credited with writing (or compiling) the two great epic poems of ancient Greece, the "Iliad" and "The Odyssey." It is generally accepted that Homer composed them between the ninth and eighth centuries B.C.

*HOMER JAY SIMPSON* Homer Jay Simpson, a resident of Evergreen Terrace, a section of Springfield, is a safety inspector at the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant. Likes: Donuts and beer. Dislikes: His boss, Mr. Burns, and his neighbor, Ned Flanders. Married to Marge. Three children: Bart, Lisa, Maggie.

HOMER: "To labor is the lot of man."
H. S.: "I'm going to the backseat of my car with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes."

HOMER: "His speech flowed from his tongue sweeter than honey."
H. S.: "Good drink, good meat, good God, let's eat!"

HOMER: "Toil is the lot of all."
H. S.: "If something goes wrong at the plant, blame the guy who can't speak English."

HOMER: "Keep aloof from sharp contentions."
H. S.: "I like my beer cold, my TV loud, and my homosexuals flaming."

HOMER: "There is no greater glory for any man alive than that which he wins by his hands and his feet."
H. S.: "Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get."

HOMER: "The difficulty is not to die for a friend, as to find a friend worth dying for."
H. S.: "Operator! Give me the number for 911!"

HOMER: "There is nothing nobler or more admirable than when two people who see eye to eye keep house as man and wife."
H. S.: "A woman is like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you'd step over your own mother just to get one!"

HOMER: "To be both a speaker of words and a doer of deeds."
H. S.: "What is mind? No matter. What is matter? Never mind!"

HOMER: "Always be first and surpass everyone else."
H. S.: "Trying is the first step towards failure."

HOMER: "Those who live by their strength are doomed to perish by it."
H. S.: "I can't believe it! Reading and writing actually paid off!"

HOMER: "We are quick to flare up, we races of men on the earth."
H. S.: "D'oh!!!"


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Hood vs. The Wolf

In the woods the wolf said to little red riding hood, "Bitch, suck my dick!" To this she said, "Man quit tryin to change the story. You are suppose to eat me."


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The Worst Comic Book Movies

Daredevil (2003)

Although I like Ben Affleck as an actor, "Daredevil" made everyone wish they were blind. This movie seemed to be a propaganda film for leather fetishes and cross dressers. The first time you see Daredevil he looks like he got the crap beaten out of him. Or if he is into those kinds of games he should say that he "fell down some stairs." What kind of superhero can be rendered helpless by a loud noise? Daredevil and Venom should go out and buy "Earplugs for Dummies." This movie came out in February and it already felt like the worst movie of the year. The only redeemable thing in this movie was Elektra and they screwed up that spin off as well.


Superman Sequels

The sequels Superman III and Superman IV: The Quest for Peace and Superman Returns have nothing on Richard Donner. What studio genius thought Richard Pryor would be great for a Superman movie? Whose idea was it to give Christopher Reeve influence over the script of "Superman IV"? And who thought that Marc McClure as Jimmy Olsen was the perfect cross-over character for Supergirl? Better known as: 'When Superman Started to Suck.' made it into a long journey that would end with Brian Singer turning Superman into a peeping Tom in Superman Returns. DC do you know what would make a great plot to a Superman movie??? If he got to fight a SUPERVILAN... not just Lex Luthor and a kryptonite mountain.


Fantastic Four (1994)

This is the first time F4 shows up on this list and this time it is not pretty. What really sucks about this film is that it was never really intended to be released. It was just so the company would not loose the rights to the film. Unfortunately, no one bothered to tell the actors or the directer so needless to say they were pissed when they found out. Rebecca Staab who played Invisible Woman is twenty years older then Alba. But she is twenty times hotter. The horrible effects in this movie are what make it so worthwhile. The Thing looks like an orange dried out Gumby and when he says "It's clobbering time." you will want to just fall over laughing.


Howard the Duck (1986)

It is rumored this film was presented to the Supreme Court as evidence that George Lucas is, in fact, not a great filmmaker. It is also rumored that Joel Schumacher got his idea of nipples on the batsuit from the scene featuring a duck with nipples. No one on the this planet remembers the plot for this crappy movie. Daffy Duck was probably happy to hear that he was passed over as the lead on this film. The only time this Howard the Duck is used in a good manner in during Lucas in Love and he is only in it for 2.3 seconds because that is all the general public can take. After taking this movie in we all got to wash it down with The Phantom Menace.


Josie and the Pussycats (2001)

This film is basicily the Spice Girls with Rachael Leigh Cook, Tara Reid and Rosario Dawson. Tara Reid is by far the ditsiest and the hottest of them all followed by Dawson. This movie might not have been so bad if it was not for all the product placement along the whole film. Not 2 minutes went by before someone mentioned some other brand. Makes you want to puke all over Rachael Leigh Cook like she likes it. The studio was originally upset about the PG-13 rating because of some sensuality... For your information studio... That is the only thing that makes this movie worthwhile... While "Josie and the Pussycats" is TOTALLY worthwhile as spank material they should have made and Archie movie... Now there is a comic that is all about pussy. Whoever get this reference send me a note.


The Hulk (2003)

Apparently Ang Lee was getting tired of the awards and praise he was getting for Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. Why else would he make such a mess of "The Hulk?" Forget the special effects the only thing looking at in this film was Jennifer Connelly's... eyes... Seriously. Nick Nolte was a drunkard in this movie... so basically Nick Nolte played Nick Nolte. Hey Nick I bet there was a lot of research done for that film. While the Hulk looked great, the script imploded by page two. Note to Hollywood: Mutant poodles do not make great monsters. The last thing to be this big and this green and suck this bad was Godzilla. They could have made this movie so much better by just giving the Hulk a Scottish accent and had Eddy Murphy follow him around.


Batman Forever (1995) / Batman and Robin (1998)

It's true that 1989's Batman was not Tim Burton's best film, but at least it and Batman Returns were watchable. However, when Joel Schumacher took over the franchise the audience had to deal with nipples on the batsuit. How could the man who made the Lost Boys and Flatliners make this crappy film. Adam West is spinning in his grave Schumacher. Oh wait... Adam is not dead. Well I am sure he wanted to commit supoku with a dull batarang after watching this film. I bet you these films are the reason why Kiefer does not talk to you anymore you bastard. Schumacher... Why did you get rid of Elfman? Danny Elfman was the best thing to happen to the batman music since "Dadadadadadadadadadadadada...Batman!"


Spawn (1997)

This movie almost made me sell my soul to the Devil to get my two hours back. You know what D.B. Sweeney... Stick to doing crappy figure skating movies and stay out of my childhood dramatizations. This was a film that had the potential to make some great allegory about the eternal battle between good and evil and all we get is the man who spawned Charlie and the rest of the Estevez children. Not to mention that Sid the Sloth made a great cameo as a fat clown. Still Todd McFarlane got to laugh all the way to the bank so he could buy another crappy Barry Bonds baseball.


Ghost Rider Trailer (2006)

The two greatest parts about this were when the horse turns into "Ghost Horse" and the credits. Everything else was filler. Another film that just had the wrong cast. For years scientists have theorized that one day Nicolas Cage would overact so badly that his head would burst into flames. Now, with Ghost Rider, the phenomenon has finally come to pass. The chain was a better actor. How can anyone take him seriously. Everyone in the theater kept hoping the Scooby Doo gang would come out, rip the mask off of Cage and reveal Ghost Rider really is just a crazy old man! Wes Bently!!! Come on everyone wanted him to die on his stupid plastic bag on American Beauty and how he is supposed to be the Devils son.


The Punisher (1989)

What the hell would some have to do to receive the punishment to watching this piece of crap film. This Punisher movie is to comic book movies as what KFC is to chicken... Louis Gossett Jr. would go on to be on Stargate so thats one plus. I was so happy to hear that the 2004 version of this movie was a complete redo. Even though it would have Thomas Jane which in my book is a poor mans version of Christopher Lambert. And the new version would have Samantha Mathis which is an under used hottie. Dolph on the other hand never recovered from the the punches to the head that he got from Sly Stallone... Which brings us to...


Judge Dredd (1995)

I have no idea who got hit with a frying pan only to wake up and come up with this great idea. Max von Sydow... What could have possessed you to do this? For Christ sakes you played Jesus. [Sorry for the blasphemy.] Did they kidnap your grandkids? Is that why you did this to yourself? Everyone knew why Rob Schneider was in the movie... It was like he was destined to do Deuce Bigalow. As for you, Stalone... Why do you let IMDB mock you by using a photo of you from this movie as your stock picture... They are just f*cking with you dude. You may claim to be the Law but you suck at it.


Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer Trailer (2007)

There was no way this movie should have sucked. It had the Silver Surfer. The herald of Galactus. The most powerful being the whole Marvel Universe. He was supposed to be a bad ass and instead he gets turned into a Telebbie while retelling his life story to the Invisible Woman. While we are talking about the Invisible woman... I did not receive the memo that stated that the Fantastic Four was a team made up of all guys. Alba was so ugly she should have not been in the film and just claimed that she was invisible the whole time. Instead we have her having these ridiculously awkward moments with her brother. Hey guys you are not siblings on the set of Star Wars. Don't try to kiss. The bit that made this movie craptacular was Galactus. I wanted a real bad buy not some cosmic fart that was coming to destroy the earth like smog.


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