Fuck Jay and Silent Bob. Fuck them up their stupid asses.

Well so Saturday after an OK day at the Wal and at Denny's I am driving home. Stupid me has Leonard Cohen on and mid ride this one song called "Be For Real" comes on and I can't help but cry. I pull over and cry through the whole song. Why don't I just turn the damn thing off ... 1) It makes great literature. 2) I'm an idiot.

I try to compose my self and take off on the road. I hit about 95mph and I am cruising nicely. I slow down. But then Hallelujah comes on and the tears come back. So I am not really looking around while I am driving. Well would you believe it I get pulled over for doing 50 in a 40. Ain't that about a bitch. If I was going 90 then at least it might seam worth it.

The cop is really nice and tells me that if I meet him in court he will knock it down to a parking ticket. But I still can't stop crying. The guy was really nice and listen to all my shit though. I mean, now there is a cop that knows my secret. Yeah that I have some serious mental issues. I really feel so bad that the guy almost did not let me drive. Thank you all.

On stranger news. I ran into an ex at the mall. That's right the original blond goddess in my life. Can you believe that. Just when I feel like shit I have to be reminded of the fact that I was such an asshole in my youth I ruined a perfectly good relationship with this beautiful girl.

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Portrait of the Artist as a Manic Depressive

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Jesus and Static Gaurd

Ok so I was going to post something depressing but who needs that crap. Right now I have six, count them six, version of Leonard Cohen's "Hallelujah." We will get back to that on later posts. Some people ask, "Why do you listen to that when you are depressed. Doesn't that make it worse." My answer is yes. Don't you realize that that is what I want. I'm not talking about just being sad because someone down the street ran over your dog. This is the kind of sadness that makes you feed your kids cereal for dinner because you couldn't give two shits as you say to yourself, "Fuck it the world isn't even worth saving."

On to the happy stuff.

Well Monday I returned to one of my jobs and everything was ok until ... static cling. I swear a small fuzzy cat would burst into flames from the electro-magnetic radiation in that place. Well so off to buy yet another bottle of Static Guard.

A couple of Saturday's ago I went out and I was so nervous for some stupid reason. How nervous was I? Well I'll tell you. I had to put static guard on my pants so I toss them on the bed and proceed with the spraying. As I spray I'm thinking, "Wow Static Guard smells really good today." Much to my surprise I was using my deodorant. I go to work with a REALLY nice pair of pants that won't stick to anything. Later on in my ripped up T-shirt and non-stick pants I think, "Fuck it the world isn't even worth saving."

Well at the CVS. I look at the stationary isle. I love that isle. I'll buy pens for no reason. Anywhere I go I go the stationary. Shop-Rite, CVS, Wallgreens, CVS, Rite-Aid, even the stupid .99cent store. Don't even get me started on Staples. Well there they have a magazine isle. There they have magazines about "The Passion Of Christ." Jesus, this movie is getting on my nerves. On the magazine it says, "The secrets behind the miracles of Passion." I'll tell you the secrets behind the miracles of that movie ... Special Effects.” All that blood ... Kool-Aid.

The other day this guy I work with had seen that movie. He tells me that he likes that movie but it's not that believable because he doesn't think anybody could get a beating like that and still live. First of all he hasn't live with my mother. Secondly the reason why that movie is not believable is because its about JESUS. Don't you understand Jesus is a really great guy. Not as a personal savior, just as someone you can borrow money from.

Oh well that movie just got kicked out of the number one spot by "Dawn of the Dead." Which goes to show you that one un-dead guy is good but 100's of them is better. I'm really happy that movie is no longer number one. Who wants to see a movie about an Easter Vacation gone terribly wrong. I mean the guy can't even play hand ball anymore.

As I look at the Passion poster, I think ... Jesus died for our sins. Shit we better get our moneys worth after all the world isn't even worth saving.

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I Was the Whirlwind

No one will get this so don't even ask. Actually don't even bring it up. You never read this.

11:14 am. It only takes 3min15sec for my hear to hit the ground with an audible thud.

The things I think about in that second.
waterfalls -- acid rain
ice skating -- bruised muscles
driving north –- crashing my car
talking for hours -- getting a ticket
silent corridors -- screaming at the lot
15 minutes together –- forever apart
the JCP music sucks -- the music in my car
great smiles -- great teeth
little post'its – long letters
s'il vous plait ou est le bar – Where's the fucking bar John

As I stand here in the stock room I want to scream.

DAMN YOU INAMIMATE OBJECTS. YOU MOCK ME WITH YOUR SILENCE.

This Public Service announcement brought to you by Shredded Heart Productions. We now return you to your regularly scheduled life.

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The Passion of the Dying Embers of my Charcoal Heart

So it snowed again and I finally made it to work on Thursday. Yeah after four days off, work still sucked. I mean people still grab what ever they want, fondle the merchandise and just drop it wherever. You know my mother always told me to put things back where you found them.

Then again she also told me one day that the reason why we did not have power doors was for safety reasons. Imagine telling a small child this: If the car goes wildly out of control and we drive of a bridge into the water the power locks and windows will short circuit. Thus making us trapped in the car and we will drown in the icy cold waters. Later on I realized that the reason why we did not have power doors or power locks was because we were driving in a 1969 Volkswagen Beetle. You could see the road from inside the car. Power locks were just wishful thinking.

Back to work. This is the kind of people that I have to work with. When I was talking about the people who just litter merchandise around the store someone said they should get caned. Granted I was going to say pistol whipping but caning is a good second. Then someone else said, and I quote, "They should beat him like that guy in that movie."

Yeah that limits the choices down. So I politely, instead of kicking her across her stupid blond head, ask "What movie."

"You know that Passion movie."

"Yeah, that guys name was Jesus." This is the kind of people that I have to work with. When things like this happen all I want to do is run as fast as I can, right into a wall. But that would hurt and it would keep me from talking about this movie.

"Passion of the Christ" is geared to be the highest grossing film of all time. Jesus, that's a lot of money. I mean, I'm glad for Mel "Martin Riggs" Gibson. I mean god-bless him and all but it's not like that movie did not come out all Hollywood. Let's analyze this. Let's look at the ending. Really Judas betrays Jesus. That's the best plot twist since the "Sixth Sense." And the hero dies at the end. That is the best hero death since "Thelma And Louise." There is all this talk about "Who killed Jesus?" All I have to say is, "Who cares?" There would not be a good ending if he lives. Who cares if he dies He's resurrected. He comes back, "No Harm, No Foul" right.

You know Jesus will some how come back from the dead for the sequel and then there will be "P2: The Resurrection." He will come back all powerful and then out of no where Mel's friend, Danny Glover, will be there to stop Jesus from taking more souls. Wait a second that's Predator. Wrong "P" Movie. Then there is the Prequel idea. Screw you Phantom Menace. That's where you find out that Jesus' power actually comes from little organisms that live in his blood stream. So much for the Holy Power of god.

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Ever Changing, Never Sleeping

Ok so I finally put a logo picture up. I think it's pretty lame. I want it to scroll a little slower and not loop for ever but hey, it's a work in progress.

I also changed the background so it sits a little lower.

Ok enough with the lame crap.

The Sick, the Bored and the Lonely

Ok So I'm still sick. Wow I'm not going to make any money this week. I swear if I get my hands on the person who did this to me.
Well I was bored so I started playing around. This stuff should describe how I feel. After all my art is not to make myself feel better. It's about making others feel worse.

Eat that

You are Don Juan From "Don Juan De Marco." Woobaby! You are Don Juan - dark and handsome, and the world's greatest lover. Some people find you to be a bit insane (or is that insanely sexy?). While you may not be playing with all 52 cards, don't let that get you down - you're a true romantic at heart

Take The Johnny Depp Quiz!


Take that girl who would not go out with me in high school. Ok there should be an 'S' after the word girl but come on. Just because I was a geek in high school does not mean that was also a loser. That was just coincidence!

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I'm Sick Damn It

Things to do today since I am sick and I have all day to do them.

#1. Update Live Journal






check.

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More On The Killer Rabbit

Bunny rabbits. I guess I should talk about these little crapping machines.

First a joke. There is a bear taking a crap in the woods. As he finishes a small rabbit hops by. The bear calls the rabbits attention and asks, "Hey, Rabbit do you have problems with shit sticking to your fur?" The rabbit says that he has never had a problem like that. So then the bear picks up the rabbit and uses the bunny to wipe his ass.

Thank you. Thank you I'll be here all weak. Don't forget to tip your waitress.

Well we had two rabbits. One was Nubby and the other SnowFlake. Yeah guess witch one was the white one. Actually I shouldn't be so sarcastic about naming. My grandparents had these two horses. This black one called Sunny and this brown one called Shadow. Good thing those two couldn't talk because I'm sure the first thing to come out of their mouth would be, "What the fuck?"

Oh yeah the rabbits. Well one day Nubby ran away. He just left. So we got another rabbit called S'mores. Well during the winter Nubby started returning for the night. He would come home while we were eating dinner and break into the cage. He would stay there until it was feeding time and then run away before the morning. Current bunny count: 2.5. Well we lived with 2.5 rabbits for a while until Monday I come home and my sister runs up to the front door and tells someone dropped of a box with nine bunnies inside. Well we all know how well that goes. "So we have 11.5 rabbits now?" She tells me that her friend took one. Current bunny count: 10.5. Well my mom has managed to give most of them away. Current bunny count: 4.5.

On site news. I was going to just add this to my previous post but people have already read my previous post. I accidentally posted it three times. I deleted two but that means that I accidentally deleted Qubeley post.

WANT TO START SOMETHING, PUNK!

Easter: The Self Hating Dentist Hollyday

Once again it has been to long since my last post. For that all I can say is I'm sorry. But I do have a good excuse. You see I got this link from a friend of mine that was suppose to be the "Hottest girl on girl action on the Internet." Well part of it was. But I fear hidden in the links of lesbian love I might have download some nefarious software. So that totally slowed down my Torrent download times. See all because I wanted some p0rn. Some times I hate being a guy. Damn you testosterone producing pituitary glands.

Well I know I have a lot to catch up on. No more putting things off. Everyone knows that a procrastinators work is never done. For starters ... It snowed. Jesus Christ it's March. God cut the crap. I don't want any more snow until winter. I think god is really pissed about this whole “Passion of Christ” movie. I think that is why we are getting the snow. Are locusts next? I mean, I like Mel Gibson but I don't see how Mad ,Max all of a sudden becomes a religious authority.

But it's ok that J.C. Got crucified right. I mean he comes back from the dead. Those that are politically correct would say that he was electroencephalographically challenged. Well god showing the world that he still has a sense of humor gives us an egg laying rabbit to celebrate J.C. coming back to life. Now I do know that he is a mammal but maybe he's been getting prison raped by a rooster or something. For Celebrity boxing I would like to see the Easter rabbit getting the crapped kicked out of him but the Energizer bunny. Energizer would just kick the shit out of Easter over and over and over and over and over. Come on he doesn't get tired. But Easter has brought us the greatest thing to come out of a candy factory since an Umpa Lumpa. The give us the peep.

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The Busy Signal of Disappointment

Whats the matter with people. God I feel crumby. Not in the I'm laying in bed and I just ate a pound of cookies and I got pieces all over myself and I'm too lazy to wipe them off sort of way. Have you ever hoped for something and then when you wait for it and it for it, it does not happen. You know the kind of excitement that wakes you up in the morning. Then you go and put on your contacts. But you were so excited that you forgot to put re-wetting drops in your eyes. So as soon as the c0ntacts touch your eyes it feels like someone just stabbed you right through the cornea. You reel over in pain but you can't stop laughing because you are so excited. Damn it. Don't puke in my bowl and tell me it's frosted flakes. Maybe I just don't understand my limitations. Everyone has limitations. I guess that is why some people have come up with this. But come on it's three years away. THESE people, obviously understand patience. Why don't we have an abortion clinic with a nine month waiting period.

But dealing with disappointment is a part of life. So is love and for 50% of the population so is a swift kick in the nuts. But my parents always taught me to be fair and to always appreciate what I had. I remember I wanted this really cool bath toy when I was a kid but they did not get it but they taught me to be thankful for what I had. Granted the bath toy they DID get me was a clock-radio and a long extension cord.

Men are from Uranus

Well I know I have not written anything in a while so here goes. Well I just wanted to tell everyone about me washing my car. We all know how it started but the next day on Friday I washed it with a garden hose I bought at Target. I woke bright and early to wash the car. Little did I know that since it was bellow freezing the water washed the car but only for a little while. It all froze right on the car. My pour car looked like it had just come out out a bukkake scene in a German sheister video. I know all the males reading this will know what it means. And for those people, all I have to say is "Who ever said the Internet doesn't teach you anything?" For all of those who are thinking about doing a Google search for that word... don't, and I mean DON'T do it if you are at work or if you have little kids around or if you are my mother. And if you happen to be a combination of any of these three... kill me now. Well anyway.

See this is how men and women are different. Men are so sure about what they want in a woman sexually. The other day I was having this conversation with a friend of mine who had had their [expletive deleted] pierced. I totally freaked out. I was like: "Holly [expletive deleted], dude. How could you [expletive deleted] do that. I mean it's your [expletive deleted] [expletive deleted] for [expletive deleted] gods sake. Granted you [expletive deleted] [expletive deleted] does not do much [expletive deleted] but hey who cares except for your boyfriend." Actually I did not say all that. I just asked her if she was bare or not. She said yes. I thought that was so hot. This is how men and women are different. A woman can be so hot with a nice landing strip down there. But if a guy tried to do that than he would just look like one of Michael Jackson's love interests.

This message brought to you by: "huevos splash."

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